Sad ha ??

Heart Aches !!!!!

When you type heart aches in Google ..the solution it gives u is totally in medical terms... its to do with the physical.
Some times you too should admit that the heart aches, there could be numerous reasons for this. Someone might have hurt you, or someone you love must have been hurt, or something you desired dint take place... etc. or simply cause you feel lonely !!!
How to trust the Lord in such a time when you cannot see Him. A great servant of the Lord puts it this way... no one has authority over your life unless God the creator has given you permission. So, if such a thing was allowed by God ..then there could be a few reasons to that...

1. - Something good in store for you .....  I cannot hold back my memories to the time when I was doing my xth standard .. there had been an invitation to all students to have a trekking trip to Darjeeling by paying a sum of I think Rs 300.. Oh that wasn't a huge amount to pay. I all excitedly went home, at home though the situation was different cause my parents wanted to send my elder sister for this trip. She deserved it, She was the gem of the house.. am not writing this for the sake of writing it..its true ... unlike me ..She never used to demand anything... so my parents could afford to send only one of us..and that would be her..then I never understood it.. I was soo upset ...cried bitterly...and finally as her nature is..she said let jesse go... oh I was soo happy.... though my parents dint share the same feelings !!! they told me ..if someone is going it would be my sister if not than no one..!!! that was it.. this thing occurred during my 9th final exams ...so as my nature required ...I went for a hunger strike !! during my study holidays...wat a brilliant idea !!!..then after 2 days I think so.. they induced me and said that they would allow me once the exams would be over..exams got over and they refused !!! I wept bitterly !!!!!!

                   then as I entered my 10th class... there was an invitation for Scouts and Guides Petrol   
                    Leader camp in a place called Guwahati around 100 km from the place I lived.. I again 
                    began crying ... U dint allow me to go to the trekking trip ..this I will and must go... some
                    how they allowed !!!!!! then it was during this camp that I got selected for the National
                    Rally  and that too has a story behind it..as to how I got selected..i wasn't saved then..still
                    I can confess the lines of Gospel singer Jim Reeves 'But You love me Dady' ha ha ha !!!!
                     it was the first time I travelled by train...first person in my house (among my sisters)  to
                      train !!!! I suppose !!!!
So, though I missed the trekking trip..a much glorious opportunity to go to Uttaranchal was given by God to me !!!

2. Humble the proud !!! We sometimes pray ..oh Lord ..make me humble ..make me selfless...and when God uses people or means to fulfill our desires..we complain !!!

3. Self pity... sometimes we think tooo much of ourselves..including me.. and end up in a pity that blind us called the 'self pity'.

4. Tests us ....unless we are tested and we pass the tests given by God..how can we grow... if U say no!!! to tests ..ok remain stagnant !!!!
Amen :)

Bear fruits !

And now ..its been days or say it months that I have posted anything here......
yes ! all this while maybe until some 6 months or so ..i used to think that i am a special girl so God has to use me ... i never realized that so much of pruning was and is required for Him to use me mightily to bear fruits and to use or not to use is His hands. Tomorrow when i see Him face to face, He is not going to ask me .." what did u do for me " rather ' did u do my will". His will for my life could be absolutely different than what i think for mine to be. i have come to realize that bearing fruits is directly proportional to bearing witness. You might not be a great preacher or have gifts of healing ..doesn't matter .." are u bearing fruits .. fruits that are lasting ..... john 15:8 Herein is my Father glorified , that ye bear much fruits; so shall ye be my disciples.
So bear fruits and do away with all the evil inside of u particularly those evil thoughts ... one day everything will come out ..will be exposed ! than what will we do???? We might look very pious today ...yes holy holy ..though only on that day  will others know what we were actually made up for.. so repent !!!!!!!

God i know what i am doing !!!

Have you ever said to God that you knew what you were doing ….

Yes, recently I did it. When the news about the acid attack appeared in the newspaper …I browsed through all articles regarding it and read about many attacks and thus made my heart grieve. God said me that enough ! you need not read more…the more you read the more you will get depressed and lose the interest with which I have beautified the  world . I told Him…no ! its nice to improve my G.K and these would benefit me to learn more about other people’s grief…Hmmmm He said me and allowed me to continue ….again I came across the Delhi rape case and was curious to know how could such thing happen in a bus …din’t the driver or conductor stop it. He again told me ‘jesse enough’….I told Him I knew what I was doing ………..result …..’Lord why is the world so ugly, why are the people so bad, these men do they have no fear of u….and so my heart felt uneasy and was disturbed….you know what he replied … 

1 Kings 19:10  After fearing that he would be killed, he speaks to God  “I have been absolutely loyal to the LORD, the sovereign God, even though the Israelites have abandoned the agreement they made with you, torn down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword. I alone am left and now they want to take my life.”

:18 You know what God answered him….. I still have left in Israel seven thousand followers who have not bowed their knees to Baal or kissed the images of him.”…so its very easy to judge the wicked world..and then enter into an emotional breakdown….Lord everything is vanity..like King Solomon…….

God doesn’t want us to live in constant fear, He doesn’t want us to sit inside our homes securely ..even there practically speaking there’s no safety…except for the protecting Shield that covers us…the fence that’s around God’s people as we read in Job. So, I regret for not listening to God …as the past two days neither was I able to remain at peace nor enjoy His presence fully…Now this doesn’t mean we need to stay aloof from the problems out in the world..No!No…not so ….we should have a right attitude while coming across such news reports. Pray for the victims….pray for our relatives and friends who could be vulnerable and yes ..thank God for His Grace that He has protected us thus far………. 

God is mysterious

I dont understand !!!!!!

Yes, He is mysterious and at times you feel that He is least bothered about you. Who is this He ......????

Yesterday as I had my two front teeths no no no ...teeth removed, sat deppressed and sad. I began thinking about our human life and this mortal body. I dint want to go to the prayer cell at 6pm as people would see my lost teeth and comment .....though I knew it was a good reason to bunk the prayer time and to add more spice to it the deciever called satan gave me another excuse and that was ..."its raining I dont feel well ". I wanted to overcome this weakly nature and mood ...finally energized by a cup of tea decided to gooo. All the while driving spoke to Him and said " You have to comfort me today ". As we were worshiping Sis Renuka - the one who leads the worship service lead us to sing ...santhoshama irranga...eppozhadu...santhoshama irranga(tamil) ...( in english ..rejoice and always rejoice ) ohhhh glad I was ..that  even this time like every other time He comforted ...Yes He the lover of my soul.

God knows 'what makes me happy'

This statement that I make is absolutely true . Only God knows what makes me happy. Today out of nowhere, a lady after service came to me and asked me to pray for her eye and gave me a bottle of coconut  oil  to pray and bless it  .(  ACA church where 15,000 + people come every Sunday ) . Even if I consider it practically or spiritually its simply marvelous and God has His hands on this . He knows every cry of my heart and its definitely not because of me but out of His great love that He took out some precious time and thought how to make Jesse happy today . God I love you, I am more happy than I was on my convocation. Out of nowhere !!!!!!! I was in my churidar not even in saree !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmmmm God’s  ways, He is all excited to give His children surprises . What do you think about this ? And I din pray in Tamil of course, she might not have understood a bit but God did. And God will heal her , Willl, will will ! Definitely will .

So are you ready to get on to the journey from here onwards . You might be thinking ‘this Jesse is having high hopes’, no my beloved I have been praying all night , dreaming all day ‘ when will that day come ‘ when God will raise His daughter as a commander for His service. In front of my eyes are pictures like Billy Graham, Kathryn Kuhlman, Oswald Smith, Benny Hinn, Hudson Taylor etc . No! they aren’t  my role model but its Christ alone . Yes, I have been for the past 2 years reading about all these humble vessels used by God. One thing that I always pray and desire, when God uses me in a great way, one thing that God should help me is to walk the talk, and not be a hypocrite.  Maybe I have been seeing people all around me living in a hypocritic lifestyle, it disappoints me a lot. Hardly there are people who live a holy lifestyle without  playing a  double role .