Crushes and Crashes !!!
I have been watching a few movies…shhhh Christian movies in the
past weeks … probably one movie a week…that isn’t very bad …!! I somehow
realized that I am a little drawn towards movies that have a storyline, a
family genre or sometimes a clean love story. Come on .. yes .. love story…nothing wrong about it…!!!
In particular some movies have been of a great challenge to
me like Pamela’s Prayer, Grace unplugged, Princess cut etc.
When I was in Malaysia last year, a girl dared to ask me (no
one does it..seeing me in white in white ;) Akka do you have a boyfriend? And I
was shocked … !! I asked her ..what has made you ask me such a question and to
which she replied.. “it just seems impossible to believe that ..no one has ever
proposed to you!! I replied …………………….!!
Recently have been
going through a couple of videos by Eric and Leslie Ludy …Love those articles and
Videos…Why? I see there's Christ centered
relationship in there. Not like a fairy tale – wherein we see heroes riding on a white horse or a girl with a tiara … !! Their’s
is/was a love story written by God ….set as a challenge and example to many
young people. If I ever have one….i was thinking about it the other day…and
while watching a particular video…I have come up with the Title – “ ;)”
Many girls have lot of questions about this matter and lots
to share about yet many aren’t as open as they should be. All the information
they ever receive is from the filthy TV programmes and emotional falsified love
stories….wherein an uneducated gang leader falls in love with an educated
college girl. He follows her and she falls in love with him…probably when he
rescues her from some villain…etc etc…..!! These worldly-false-lust-eruptive
movies have done much harm to the society, much more than even pornography has
done. I personally found it hard to pick myself up after having read through
the news report about the recent Nungambakkam murder case. After having watched
the live stills with her dead body lying on the railway platform…I should say…I
wept … !! Why has human life become so cheap?
So…sorry..i was supposed to take this along another line yet…it’s
difficult to tame a writer’s thoughts and her writing fingers. Yes… _crushes
and crashes_..!!
Did I ever have any crush ;) and DO YOU THINK THAT I WOULD EVER
PUBLISH IT??
Yet I do have some hilarious moments to narrate!!
I was just in my 10 th std…as mentioned I was
known as a studious girl. I wasn’t attractive and that was a concern to me sometimes.
Yet I was a confident person – ( not saved yet) !! I had a friend, and I along
with another two girls would frequently visit his house to have some food as
his mother would prepare good tasty ones. Our school was located in an airforce
area and it was fun to visit their quarters. He was younger to me…come on…he
was a good innocent friend yet poor boy….he began to have crush upon me….!! Adding
to his folly was he shared it to a few other classmates and when I was told
about it….I wept and probably stopped speaking with him for months together.
Till date ……. ….. he has been apologizing almost every time that he had once
made me cry….I have told him…forgiven!!
Though there were a few things that used to attract me like ….
Guys with guitar, a mountaineer, a pet lover, V neck Tshirt, casual and simple
looks, 6 feet, hmmmm…clean shaven….yet…never did God allow me to fall for any guy..!!
Let’s all shout Praise God for this !!
Yes….that was a young jesse….even during my college days…there
were quite a lot of temptations yet God faithfully guarded me via a fence named
Uncle and also when he wasn’t around..through different ways. During my college
days…there was a trend wherein guys would drop their girlfriends near the
college gate, also as I would ride my bike from home to college daily ..it was
a common thing to see girls being seated behind a guy in their colouful bikes
and making a public display of their so called affection. It wasn’t unnoticed
to my eyes…and I wouldn’t shut my eyes either…yet ….i thank God … He enabled me
to use this as an opportunity to pray Jesse’s Pamela’s prayer…..yes I do have
one. And I would pray… “Lord…I too wish - to one day sit as a pillion rider
behind a guy…Yet Lord…if it ever happens ..that guy should be none other than
my husband”…...and joy would flood my soul…a joy of God’s grace and
faithfulness….a joy of hope and faith for the future.
Of course I was tempted a couple of times…yet God preserved
me. I can recall of an incident wherein I was to go to a school to complete my
Rotaract club hours. And the coordinator probably from Loyala I believe after
the programme approached me and asked if he could drop me back home. God had
already given me the strength to say no..!! why ? There was a fear in me ..that continues to
this date. Some ask me .. "what’s wrong in meeting up with a guy….it’s not that you
are going to marry him..after all it’s just meeting up for a cup of coffee?
What kind of fear
do I have here….it’s the sincere acknowledgement that I am after all flesh. And
it wouldn’t take a moment for me to fall into any of the devil’s snare. I had
seen so many girls…yes even believers finding it difficult to break away
relationships with unbelievers…!! How did it begin…yes….it began from that –
harmless..little catching up @ Café Coffee Day.
Recently someone confronted me ..your standards are too high
jesse…. "you are dreaming..and what guarantee do you
have that he too has such standards…don’t be a fool jesse"!!!
I replied him with these three words – I trust God !!
While doing my internship in LV Prasad studio, we were about
to finish with our project and my team who were from a college of another state
had borrowed some money from me. It was not a borrow sort of a thing…it was
that I had purchased something ..and they had to pay me back. This was my last
week there. The person incharge…would remind me… “Oh..i have to pay you back
the money…!!” I sincerely believed that he was concerned about paying me back.
Yet at the end of the day…he wouldn’t. Monday,Tuesday….Thurday had passed…yet
he did not pay me back my money. Finally on Friday afternoon….i receive a call…asking
if I was free. I was unable to join the dots and asked the explanation ….why? He replied … “could I pay you back the money over
a coffee somewhere outside….!!” Ahhh….i understood the un-narrated motive….and I
politely told him to keep the money to himself and have a good single meal in a
fine restaurant.
No…no collars lifted up and no claps for this!!! I am just
as flesh as you are yet..God has been faithful to - keep me ‘His beloved pearl’ safely inside His shell…..He will open the shell
when His one comes in …Right….!! I have the faith to believe this…and am for
it!!
What about you….how many times will you give yourself away
to someone who isn’t The one God has for you….even if you think he is …. Are
you willing to honour God with a Christ centered relationship? Are you willing
to battle this flesh of yours and live a pure life unto Him? Are you willing to
Wait ?
Recently someone asked me this question –
Sameer: so how’s your hero?
Jesse - I don’t have any hero?
Sameer: Jhoot (lie)
Jesse – I don’t have any hero…yet I do have a future husband…and
he should be doing fine :)
So let me fill in the blanks .....
No Crushes yet many crashes !!!
