God is in control of 'Your Past'

Yes, you heard it right, Our Heavenly Father is in control of even our past life. This was an entry in my personal diary dated 24th November 2013. It must have been that i was going through the life of King Hazekiah. One of the very few whole - heated kings after King David. He was the only one who had destroyed the altars placed on the hills. While later in his life, he was bed ridden and he prayed. God heard his prayer and a total of 15 years were added to his life. 

Now he wanted a sign from God and God did offer him two things.

 that the Shadow - 'which denotes the time of the day'....would either

1. Go forward ten steps or

2. Backward ten steps

King Hezekiah chose the second option. This was because going forward was quite an easy thing, for God to take care of our future is understandable. Yet, past ???? Can God take a control over our past ??? Is it possible ??

Yes, it was then God clearly made this truth known that He is the same Yesterday,Today and Forever.

Thank You Lord !!!

                 The Technological Explanation of being Saved !!!

I began my 5th diary yesterday, and thought of looking back to the earlier ones. It was then i came across this writing of mine somewhere written in the month of March 2013. I was amazed that the technological explanation of 'being saved' was very well said. After reading the Bible verse - 

1 Corinthians 1:18 ... For the story & the message of the cross is sheer absurdity and folly to those who are perishing and on their way to perdition, but to us who are 'being saved', it is the power of God. Being saved !!!

We quite often use the term .. are you saved ?? or is he/she saved ? 

What does being saved mean... i can compare it to the computer operation  -" save. " Unless a file is saved in the right format and until we see the 'save text bar' disappear, we cannot be sure that the file is saved or not. Agree ???

When we accept Christ as our Saviour .. we are being saved ...

On Christ's return or when we die which ever takes place first, we will then receive the certificate SAVED/UNSAVED. Until then even though we are 'being saved' at any point if we are not very careful, we might end up getting an error message and goshhhh .... the file is 'not saved' !!! We have lost the file ...oh noo!!

                          Who is Bro. Zac Uncle ??

This was the question I had asked my uncle two and a half year back, that's changed my life today. God in His great love and mercy wanted me to rectify certain area of my life that wasn't glorifying Him.

Yes, it was during the yearly sales by 'OM' book shop and as usual I loved to pick up some second hand Bibles and books. After  completing my treasure hunt, when we were about to bill the items, my eyes fell upon this DVD, 'The Light of God', English with Tamil translation. It was the first time I had seen Bro. Zac obviously His photograph was on the DVD cover and I asked my Uncle, "Uncle who is Bro. Zac Poonen?" To which he replied that Bro. Zac Poonen is a preacher who speaks very strongly on 'Holiness'. Oh ! wow that was what I needed the most...Please get me those !!! That was the beginning ...

I brought it home and began listening to the things said in the DVD, things  that  i was unaware of, for these many years ... I wanted more and searched online. One message after another, changed the entire perspective about my Spiritual life. Until then I was so sure I was right, I was spiritual. Today I can tell that it was God's mercy that in the time of my ignorance He was very much patient with me. Because let me make this clear here, that the things that I was doing then never  convicted me in any way. I couldn't remember many instances when my conscience was pricked. It could have been because I dint have the light then. Oh how miserable it would have been if I continued that way..somehow over the years I had began to think that

                                         Jesus = ministry of God ...... I was ready to sacrifice anything, absolutely anything for this ministry, including my family and loved ones. 

I was ready to do anything for this ministry...I was sincere and did almost all things fearing that if I did anything in a wrong way, God wouldn't use me, or I would lose my anointing. Most of the time my spirituality was only external. The age of 15-16 saw  a total of 180 degree change in my exterior looks, behavior etc. People were shocked, friends were confused and I was all happy thinking I was getting spiritual.... Yet the cup inside was still dirty, dirty to the core.

The truth's that I began to receive from God through Bro. Zac began the process of the internal cleansing. Most of the time it would be I and the computer screen alone ...for hours....listening ..listening .... It was during this time that I began reading the word of God more deeply and God began to reveal wonderful truth from His word.

There is miles to go before I sleep and many things yet to be mended...still I  am moving on.... The words specially about spiritual blindness and hypocrisy was what deeply touched me that  I began being  conscious of many of my acts that were purely hypocritical. Oh ! the love that saved me !!!

God bless Bro. Zac and Sis. Annie Poonen. Today I know that                                      

                                          Jesus=Jesus alone :)

As said by John Wesley “When I was young I was sure of everything; in a few years, having been mistaken a thousand times, I was not half so sure of most things as I was before; at present, I am hardly sure of anything but what God has revealed to me”

New areas in my life are being exposed by God today that need mending...God kept it away from me all these years knowing that I wasn't ready then. Oh Lord, help me pass this test tooo.

           My rod of comfort - Explicit Hope in Him

If not for the hope that I find in You Lord ! I would have perished long back. Even on Monday after meeting the girls in the prostitute prison, a girl called to me aside and asked me “ Didi, jab mei galat nehi karti thi, to log mujhe galat samjhte the. Aaj jab mei galat kar rehi hoon, log keh rehe hai ki yeh galat nehi hai!!”
( Sister, when I never used to do wrong, people used to think that I was a bad girl. Today when I am doing things that are wrong, people are telling me that’s this is all fine..!!!)

What I find missing in all those girls out there is … ‘HOPE’ …HOPE for a bright future, HOPE that things will turn out well and HOPE that even if everything and everyone fails them…there is HOPE in Jesus.

Today, ‘Hope’ has kept me from yielding into temporary pleasures of this world. I know that He has eternal plans for me.  ‘Hope’ has kept me from growing desperate and depressed with the turmoil’s in life. ….. and ‘Hope’ has kept me from yielding into the many compromising situations than a girl faces in her life.
Because I know, God holds something special for me and that I need not settle for anything better than His best.

During the convention meetings when I pray for the young girls, I have most of the time prayed the prayer of Peter…   “such as I have ..i give thee” ..HOPE…I often pray that those girls who come for prayer or upon whom I lay my hands …receive the divine HOPE in Christ.

Thank You Jesus .. for everything  …………..!!

There is none like You,
No one else can touch my heart like You do,
I can search for all eternity Lord
And find, there is none like You.

                               Lenny LeBlanc

If you are reading this blog ..i would recommend you to read this piece of testimony by Lenny LeBlanc about this song. Even when I was reading write-up that you can find in the below mentioned link..i could experience the anointing of God…my entire body felt it….and the atmosphere of my room changed …
This is what Lenny says at the end of the write-up…

“The second line of ‘There Is None Like You’ says, ‘No one else can touch my heart like You do.’ That’s where God touches us—in our hearts, in our spirits, and nobody else can do that like He does. There’s thousands of ways in which there’s none like Him, but that’s the one way I wanted to convey: ‘No one else can touch my heart like You do. I could search for all eternity long and find there is none like You.’

"No person, no thing, no amount of money, no fame. I don’t’ care what you put up against it, it doesn’t even hold up.”

 (http://www.crosswalk.com/church/worship/song-story-there-is-none-like-you-1314012.html)

 

 

 

 

The day I surrendered all !!!

Salem, yes Salem I can never forget that place..year 2006 month of April. During one of the CBS training camps... It was a Sunday morning and Uncle was preaching in a local church. Pr. Kanta Rao was pastoring that church. It was during the worship time that God spoke to me.

Lets rewind the reel and see a little bit of the background story !!!

All I could remember was that even at the age of five, I knew what I wanted to become. I had this strong desire to become a 'Police Inspector'  Never did this desire waver nor was there any change in it during the next ten years. I was determined. As I was in Scouts and guides, smart bold .. oh very very bold ..I remember this incident...during the regular music periods .. we students were supposed to remove our shoes and it was only then that we were allowed to enter inside the room. So one day, my dear sister Ruth ..She must have been in her 1st or 2nd standard entered into  my class all nervous and sad ..on enquiring ... She told me that someone had stolen her shoes...you know what did this jesse do?? She took her back to the music room and since many pairs of shoes were lying there ..I told Her to choose any that fits her legs...my justification was that since the music teacher couldn't protect Ruth's shoe...so also I had the right to take someone else's shoe.... another incident ... another day Ruth came crying to me that someone had either scolded or hit her...so I rushed from my class like a roaring lion and my gang behind me to ' deal ' with that person who had hurt my sister.....

just coming back to the story again. Many people told me that I had this broad shoulders and so was made to join defense service. I was strong too.. during the shot put competitions I would always bring back home a cup ... matlab I would win a prize ...:) Whereas Ruth ..She kept on switching from doctor, teacher ..then miss universe....she was not very sure about what she wanted to become...as for me .. was sure of it .... an 'IPS Officer'
The plan was that after my 12th standard or graduation I would join in...
Now coming back to the church scene.... before Uncle could preach he had told me to give a short testimony on how God had blessed me in my 10th public examination by making me secure 90%. he would translate it to Tamil as then I dint know a word of Tamil. So, I had my eyes closed and was praying ...the local Pastor was leading us all... I can still remember that day..oh Blessed day !!! I was seated very close to the altar, and during the worship time ..a Voice spoke within me .."jesse have you surrendered everything to me !!" I knew that I was holding on to this thing..yet I replied to that voice..yes of course!! I have given up my jewelries, my past life, everything Lord !!
the Voice spoke again ... "Everything"?
I knew I was holding on to my Isaac, and that was I was not willing to surrender my ambition to God... no how could I ...it was something I dreamt of day and night !! For 10 long years ....I wanted to becom an IPS officer...at least an Airforce officer !!
I knew what God was pointing at.... I dint want to let it go..i began weeping ..weeping aloud ..finally the Holy Spirit broke the yoke and  released it all.... "Lord take it " I said
I will serve You full time ..I will .... just like a bride says to her bridegroom in their marriage ....I will !!!

this was one of the toughest decision I had ever taken in my life... after the worship ..I was suppose to give the 10th exam waala testimony..yet now .... I had a new testimony ..a new one !!!
since then I have never turned back....!!

today when I see any man in khaki clothes ....it reminds me of my past ... while many people are repelled by this police department ..I love them..i respect them all... God too had given me an opportunity to meet the commissioner of Police Mr. T.Rajender for my college assignment. Then I had another in the Triplicane Police station...Again during my post graduation along with 4 other friends made a documentary "Bless You Prison" based on the life of  a murderer who got released from the Puzhal prison. He was such a kind man, during the shoot he helped us by carrying our tripod stand :)
And not to forget this ....  today I help the 'prison for prostitutes' and would be going tomorrow to teach the Hindi speaking girls  the  dance ' Pray for India' for Independence Day celebration .

 I salute the police department for all the risk they take to protect this nation of mine !!

                  Who said that Heaven alone is beautiful !!!

 

 

These legs of mine only for Jesus !!!
When the Spirit of the Lord moves in my heart I will dance like David danced!!

 

 

Earth is beautiful too...with Your presence Lord. Life makes meaning now Lord! Today a glorious thing happened ... need to share it ...

 

A call came to Auntie's mobile from a sister Estelle .." When is Pastor coming for VBS programme?"

Aunty received a 1000watts shock ... She thought the meeting was on 8th that was tomorrow and not today. Uncle wasn't prepared and we were expecting a visitor from church. Sister Estelle asked if at least Aunty would be able to come ..She too wasn't ready ..then the Lot fell on me...I shouted from my room...NOOOOOOO!!!! I told them nooo, I am not ready... At instantly a voice within me repeated the same words ... " I am not ready ?" I felt guilty that I wasn't ready... Oh God, I wasn't ready !!

 

Uncle called me and told me that I was a 'bayandakudi' meaning coward.. and yes, I was a coward! I went out in the premises for a walk and after almost completing a round, I began thinking ..when will I ever be ready! God ! I have disappointed You greatly today... yes greatly. I am so scared.. Lord ..how will I ever stand alone in a ministry for You? then I prayed a small prayer... Holy Spirit You made me pray this way.... the prayer was .."Lord, give me boldness..holy boldness".

 

Instantly, the fear disappeared and a zeal sprouted within me. and the task that seemed impossible suddenly became so light ..so possible...So, I rushed into the room to tell Uncle...He was washing his face.. I couldn't waste any time .... I had to call Sister Estelle if not She might arrange for something else. So, I called her telling that I would come alone and She asked me to come within 10 minutes. And then You Lord, used me in such a wonderful way ...since everything at home was ready ...the only thing I had to do was iron my clothes and get dressed. Auto arrived and flew to my assignment zone !

The kids were so excited and glad .the teachers had a free fat reduction class meaning the action songs drilled them... everybody participated and danced including the sound system in charge.

Oh my Heavenly Father !! thank You is such a small word to thank You !!

                          Its all About the Unseen !!!

 

All of us would love to ‘C’ the present and future.  Its strange and also justified that people of this world don’t understand the meaning of ‘living in Faith’

Many people have asked me and also persuaded me to believe that a life of Faith meaning living solely trusting God for all my needs is not only risky and also uncertain.

People !!!! trusting God in all things …for all our needs is the first message given in the Bible by Jesus when He was a teenager …

We find Him speaking to the temple priests about this. Jesus says that the God clothes the lilies of the valley and the takes care of the birds of the air and then how much will He do for us thus we need not worry…..This definitely doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t save …we shouldn’t earn !!! Yet living solely by Faith is an experience only a few get to live…coz many either doubt if God can do it or they haven’t heard this truth yet.

Recently one of my close friend asked me what was I doing for surviving !!! What a question !!:) I told the person…God provides all my needs ….. They asked me again…Jesse ..be serious ..tell me na !!!
That was all I could tell …God provides !!!

So let me share a few more on this…. Hudson Taylor, a figure who can never be wiped out from the Christian history , very early in  His life knew that God had called Him to live a life Tottaly dependent on Him. He thus, disciplined Himself in many ways …He would try to live with a minimum expenditure and God also brought him thourgh many circumstances in his life to help him learn it. For the past few years , God has been teaching me the same… People here You shouldn’t think or misunderstand that God wants us to be shabby, poor, lacking things …no not at all…God would always be very glad to provide much more for His children than for the people of this world. Yet, He wants us to live a simple life , a life not seeking the things of this world… He wants us to focus on the things eternal!,

There is this beautiful verse in Corinthians that says ‘a hope on things that is seen is not a hope at all’ . For some their need would mean a single T shirt and yes God  provides it, and for some it could be a Benz Mercedes  car!! Yes , and even that He provides.  As need of each person is different …..

Mathew 6: 31-33 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Its so clear here…. The same God who said ….sin not !! also says ..be anxious for nothing…let me share a few instances in my life where God provided my need at the RIGHT time!!

There were times when I wanted or desired to send a gift to my parents…I would save some money yet due to even a small extra expenditure the calculation would be gone ……. Then in such times I would be much tempted to become anxious and worried, still I would rebuke my anxiety and choose to trust Him only  .. My Heavenly Father is always true to His word. And just a day before the appointed date or on the same morning I would not only get the money I needed …also at times double the amount. He provides our needs.

We were planning to go to ministry in Andaman Islands and due to late booking our flight charges went above our expectation - almost double the amount …and at the same time we were supposed to buy certain equipment for the ministry coz there in Andaman Islands, one couldn’t find all electronic gadgets as everything is shipped from Chennai…..so we had a huge expense ..moreover it was during Christmas time and we had other household expenses …. In this time ..i wished  to give an offering to a Sister who  frequently prayed for me … I couldn’t go to a servant of God with an empty hand. So, I was thinking what to do? I prayed and left the matter. Just a day before the day of our flight God miraculously gave me Rs 8000 just for my personal expenses in Andaman Island through someone and I could so easily take an amount from this for the offering.. God is great !!there are also other instances when I needed to pay my mobile bill that God would provide exactly how much I needed!! He is a caring Father.

No matter what happens , Lord help me not to quit. Let it never depart from my heart ..i will believe the UNSEEN !!
Yes, the living in Faith is not understood by many, yet it’s a life worth!!!!