Will not - pull the handle and close any door again nor will - push the handle and try to open a closed door....!!

This morning even as i was thinking 'how God works', i do not know why i was reminded of this
verse.....Then a flow of thought within me...why did Jesus say so..what was the meaning to it....
" how long am I to remain with you?" Isn't it right for us to want Jesus to continue to be with us...Does He want us to work independently. No...of course not!!..then why did Jesus say so?

Why?? These words were ringing in my heart....yes..yess..and suddenly i remembered why.....
As i had mentioned earlier age is definitely taking a hold upon Uncle and Aunty...may God give me the grace to do what is required..!! Now...i have told Aunty we could keep a helper 24X7 ..yet finding a faithful one and a trustworthy person is definitely difficult. Let me describe some scenes at home

Location: Jesse (inside her room), Uncle (Bed room) , Aunty...(in and out the bed room and Jesse's room and kitchen.)

Scene 1:
Aunty: Need to send this message
Uncle: Come i will tell, you should start using touch screen...be updated
Aunty: Ok
Uncle:( struggling himself)
Aunty: furious....what..!! you have been using this phone for quite sometime..
           you still are struggling..
Uncle: Give me some time...let me learn.
Aunty: I will ask Jesse....she knows it.
Uncle: Dey..!!
Aunty: Jesse..!!
Jesse: WHAT ?

Scene 2:
Aunty: Need to fill this form.
Uncle: Check online.
Aunty: Jesse will know.
Uncle: Yes..Dey!!
Aunty: Jesse..!!
Jesse: WHAT ??

Scene 3:
Aunty: When are you leaving ?
Uncle: 1st ... 29th??
Aunty: Monday..isn't it ?
Uncle : yes....
Aunty: Timings?
Uncle: Ask Jesse..she has all the details..!
Aunty: Jesse
Uncle: Dey
Jesse:  What?

Scene:4

Uncle: Dey, who was the pastor whom we met in ...
Jesse:..yes.....
Uncle: What's his name ?
Jesse: I think .................
Uncle: Spell
Jesse: .........
Uncle: Do we have his number ?
Jesse: Wait let me come..myself.

Scene 5
Aunty: This phone is useless
           We cannot even delete one thing here
            everything gets deleted!!
Jesse: What do you want ?
Aunty: I do not want to delete all the messages..just this one
Jesse: Show
Aunty: This Uncle only ...forcing me to use this phone..older phones are so easy
           this is a nuisance....we cannot even delete things
Jesse: Do not say..'we cannnot'...say..'i do not know Aunty'
Aunty: it's not possible
Jesse: Done..take
Aunty: (smiling) thank you

Scene 6
Uncle: Dey tomorrow at 7:30 am da..!!
Jesse: Tommorow is Thursday Uncle
Uncle: Just a few hours..by 10:30 you will be free
Jesse: Uncle!! GO by auto...!! I will not come.
Uncle: Dey dey dey
Jesse: stamping her feet to the ground....leaving the room..in haste......go by auto..final!!
Uncle: Within 2 minitues you will come and say ok......jesse is a good girl..we know it.
Jesse: smiling and winking ....entering into the bedroom///laughing...you are very bad!!
Uncle: Our jesse is good
Jesse: what time...tomorrow..sharp 7 :30 OK

So these are some scenes , considering the milder-intensity incidence. Then....
So this morning this was in my mind...How did Jesus prepare His disciples..There was a confusion in my mind.......God wants us to trust Him in everything..isn't it?
Then ...Does He want us to act independently? This was so confusing...!!
I've told Uncle something like this...during those quite calm evening hours.......................
Uncle, listen..i am very glad to help you..I love to..yet..i fear that you are getting very much dependent on me..Do not be so dependent please.

Does Jesus want us to be dependent on Him??
How is it supposed to be?

Here is this verse giving us a slight clue..While these words  of Jesus ..... i believe ..was said to
the disciples..." how long will I be with you?..There were many people in the crowd... (the father of the boy, the disciples and the scribes and Pharisees)..So while some words were for the Scribs ..this statement  must have been for the disciples...!!

Later in verse 22, Jesus tells them about His departure..that He would be handed to men, killed .. So most probably..Jesus must have told these words to His disciples !!

During my 12th standard, many unlikely incidents had occured in my life. All put together... my studies was in a pure mess. Actually i should say...' the grace of God was not with me'...inspite of al of this,
i was a fool to expect good percentage for my board examination, while it was very clear that i did not perform well.

So the question is

-  'Only Faith' without 'work' ? OR
-  'Faith plus work'

- Trust and obey? OR
- just trust and leave it.? Hmmmm??
Hope i have made it clear, things that i wish to deliver. No! no! no! am not telling  you to do something, when God has told you not to..that's not what i am telling to.

Probably,

This could be said in this manner....' Only when you take a step will the next door open'....'unless you lift your feet..how will things happen'?
We are not machines..we have a free will..given by God..!!

“You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.” 
― Amy Carmichael

I think Paul puts it well in 1 Corin 3:6
I planted, Apollos watered, but God  ( all the while) was making it grow and He gave the increase.

I believe this verse gives a beautiful exhortation.

Also isn't it easy to say," God will take care"Good bye..!!
and do nothing in that regard..I have done this myself and i repent this day..even while typing it down.

I am reminded of this verse here..

Esther 4:14
For if you keep silent at this times, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from elsewhere, ...And who knows but that you have come to the Kingdom for such a times as this and for this very occasion

Only when we mix acid with a base will reaction take place...without mixing, nothing will come out.
Above all..'fear of God' as the Bible says 'is the beginning of all wisdom'..so true...!!

I am little cautious these days to post matters that might pain others...in the past i have...unintensionally caused pain to a few. So..i was not sure if i should post this....so i prayed and asked my Heavenly Father...i wouldn't until You lead me...!!

So....the day went by ....at 5:30pm when we were travelling...we received a call....from a well wisher..He spoke to Uncle and then to me..
i was thinking...of all..why..now..!! why should this come now....!! not again..am not comfortable Lord...!!
Yet....i battled it....sought for grace..and did not lose my peace as other times..
Then a small soft voice..."didn't you ask for a confirmation jesse"

Oh Lord....yes i did...!! SO the call was a confirmation ....so that i post this ...!!

Dear Brothers and Sisters i repeat....

"For if you keep silent at this times, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from ELSEWHERE"

Have the fear of God and may God direct your path....the Fear of the Lord..will direct you to do that "which is righteous" RIGHTEOUS !!!
I have examined myself.......judged myself....Lord....that's all i can do..nothing more....Will not
- pull the handle and close any door again nor will
- push the handle and try to open a closed door....!!

I trust God.....He will do what is the best for me...What is HIS best me..!!


As i have already mentioned once....
family,friends,relationship, aimbition, desires.....nothing has ever stood that 'Strong' (enough) in my life to prevent me from choosing His divine will...It's God's grace.....Past speaks .... if needed future  too might be the same.

Vinny and Amreetha were the once who encouraged me to stand for the election for the 1st year Represenative post in Woman's Christian College. I still remember an advice Vinny had given me that day... " on the stage ..never speak from your emotions...!! Never jesse"

....and poor jesse...i fell for that....i spoke something emotionally....and was ruthlessly cornered by the then secretary and senate members including the lecturer in charge....!! It's hilarious when i think about it now...!! Yet, God did give me the post in spite of my failures and limitations.... .i do not not why !!

IN the darkest of days..there is always that ....ray of light ...that shines brighter than the 'temptation' to give up.....that's what has kept me thus far....
i know the rock from where i was curved out....so there is no place to be proud about what God has been doing for me....

But for HIS grace i would  have not been saved....!!

Keeping sacred things sacred

Keeping sacred things sacred..any idea..what I am about to share ?

There are many relationships in this world. Father and son/daughter, mother and son/daughter, sisters, brothers, uncles, niece, nephews..and even the famous..friends… yet..Yet

In the New Covenant there is just one relationship that is emphasized a lot..that of ours with Christ ..a husband - wife relationship..a committed bride – bridegroom relationship.

No.. not a girlfriend- boyfriend relationship no …!! A committed Bride – Bridegroom relationship.

I wish to speak from my heart this day…while the whole world has a lot to say about this..they run from cinema theatres to beaches..to shopping mall or even clubs …in the search for a girl friend or a boy friend..a child of God should never. 

If you are even attracted to a guy, which is normal, you can step further only with the intention of marriage, if not..i would plainly say…and I think I am right…Brother/Sister – you are commiting a sin!! Playing around with a guy or girl is sin. Yes, you heard me right.

Es – eye – En ---------------------------- SIN

No…the world will not say you the truth. They don't know the Truth themselves. Their eyes are blinded. Probably the reason I would never accept anything (a word, a comment, a ride anything ) from a guy..that I wish to reserve for my special one including my precious time. Those who have ear to hear may listen it .!!

If I say this to the world…they would brand me as a behanji..a ' x ' generation girl..so may they!!

Have you ever thought 'the glory and beauty' that lies in the institution of marriage. I see it… No, it’s not about the holding of hands, walking down the aisle, the exchange of vows..no…!! When Jesus had to compare His church to something ..he compared her to a Bride..!! Then indeed there is a 'hidden  glory' in marriage..i value it..with all of my heart. 

I have heard people sharing something like this… "I cannot marry a man who will not allow me to wear what I want ..to do what I like to…"  When I hear such a thing... i began thinking…people haven’t understood the Covenant of Marriage at all. Under this Covenant - You are willing to sacrifice and become one with your husband..some say.. "i cannot if he does not have a house or a car…." Poor girls….!!!  Marriage is to them another job or something..Oh to me marriage is glorious.

Marriage doesn’t solve the matters of live…probably many new ones would arise ;) I know…it. i once read this..if you are an unhappy person…marriage will not suddenly make you a happier person…no no no..!! You will remain the same….!! Please do not misunderstand it…yet..if God,  even before sin came into the earth….had planned marriage as a part of a girl and boy’s life..we need to value it..much more than..education, job, career, pleasure..or anything.

Yes…wait a minute, compatibility is important in marriage…minimum atleast. Knowing at least one common language to converse is very important….yet giving silly reasons..is not the right thing to do.

I am a veg..an eggitarian actually..and i know it for sure, it will be difficult to make my demands after marriage as I do make to my Aunt..naa..am not choosy…just that non veg is to me as bitter gourd is to others…simple as that J I do not despise it like a Brahmin person..not so..!!

So if I have to attempt to start eating non-veg after marriage….i will ..maybe ;) atleast wil try to .. or atleast samalify isn’t it ?

And ..before I close….i would like to encourage girls…to have a boundary around themselves. And not allow anyone to trample over it. Look, I am in a ministry and so I hardly ever get to meet people who do not know how to talk. Yet, for you dear girls!!…right into the world…you might not have the protection that I have. i came to know about this while discussing with Ruth, my younger sister. The cooperative world..the parties…the picnics…social get- togethers…etc etc. Girls!! i would be really proud of you if you are able to keep up your dignity with the fear and reverence for God…not by your own strength....yes..by His grace alone. No, i am not telling that be legalistic...do not speak to guys or so..no...yet know your boundaries..!!! 

As many of you must be knowing that God saved me when I was 16..a few days after my 16^th birthday and life did change for me….the consciousness of sin increased and became evident. Prior to that sin wasn’t sin to me.

Many of my friends do not know the now ‘jesse’ - the new jesse….all they know is the old jesse. They probably perceive I would respond and react in the like manner as other girls of this generation do. 

You need to be bold enough to guard your speech and let the scared words be sacred even if it hurts others. ..do it with the fear of God…in a loving way.

Raj: Oye tumhara boyfriend kya kaha chennai me hai ?

                          ( Where is your boyfriend in Chennai? )

Jesse: Kaun??
Jesse: Boyfriend !?
Raj  : Ha
Jesse: Chennai mei
Jesse: Kab that?? ( When did i have ??)
Jesse: Tha
Raj  : To kaha hai ( Then where is he ?)
Jesse: Samajhi
Jesse: Nehi ( I did not get you )
Raj  : Boyfriend kaha rehta hai 
                            ( Where does your boy friend live ?)
Jesse: Arey
Jesse: Kaun ?? ( Who??)
Raj  : Kuch nhi ( Nothing )
Raj  : Koi nahi( Nothing)

  Raj: Bf

  Raj: ?

  Raj: Kya baay

  Raj: Baat

Jesse: Break fast

......................................

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Jesse: No no

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Raj: Just kidding

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Jesse: I am committed

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Raj: So wat

........................................

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Jesse: Not right !!

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Jesse: Preserve your words

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Raj: It's ok

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Raj:

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Raj: Actually breakfast

2/3/2016, 10:17 PM - Jesse: For The Girl you get

2/3/2016, 10:17 PM - Jesse: Don't waste it and make it common

Keeping sacred things sacred!!

I do not know about him yet i do not want it for myself....!! Girls..i know you face much more than this...this is nothing compared to what you have to deal with daily. Be strong.. honour God and He will guard you in a wonderful and beautiful way..keeping every man thinking ..'she is different'..not for their sake...for God's sake..!!

{ Don’t check in my followers list who is this person..as this is a fictitious name..as suggested

by a friend of mine to make readability easier..rather than having a -   'x or y'…I have to respect people

Isn’t it..!!

Also, what about your talks with married people. Boinu, my eldest sister shared this one night in

Shillong. While chatting with a friend of hers..who was now married to a girl, she noticed he began commenting upon things that were not acceptable, he was crossing his boundary….She interrupted…Bravo Boinu !! I respect her….a lot.

She rebuked him and told him that he was married and shouldn’t speak like that and also..it is better we stopped communicating…he agreed and discontinued the chat. Immidiately after 5 mintures…Boinu recalls….she finds him uploading the pic of his wife in fb with a comment

‘my dear beautiful wife’

Listening to this.. Ruth and I shouted..'what a hypocrite'!!

Pathetic and horrible..!!

I do feel sad when married men do not give the due  love and respect that they should be giving to their own wives.

'

I can write much more yet I think you will not be able to withstand it ..!! ;)

Do not perceive me to be the same while speaking..may be a little ... in a one to one conversation..yet am a silent listener in a group.

Please Read this.... got it  from an article and loved it..please go through..

When God builds a relationship, purity is not scorned; it is highly regarded. Parents and

siblings are not ostracized; they are honored. Romance is not rushed; it is carefully

cultivated. And sacred words aren’t casually expressed; they are saved for sacred moments.

There is no question that God’s way is not the easy way. But it is far more beautiful and

infinitely more fulfilling than any shallow, pleasure-seeking, self-built relationship ever could be.

God’s way of building a relationship is perfect. Though following His way does not provide instant

gratification or satisfy our selfish wants, the beauty of His amazing pattern is truly beyond compare.

Only those who have fully surrendered to Him can truly comprehend this reality.

Maybe you are struggling with loneliness and longing for marriage. Maybe you’ve made mistakes

in relationships and aren’t sure where to go from here. Maybe you simply want a fresh reminder

of God’s beautiful pattern. I encourage you to watch this film and be inspired with a vision

for what is possible when you leave the pen in God’s hands, allow Him to redeem this area of

your life, and let Him write your love story.

Remember that choosing God’s way always leads to victory and joy, even if the outcome is different from what we always hoped for. If you are struggling with disappointment, disillusionment, or impatience in this or any other area of your life, ask God to replace your desires with His desires.

Only when we delight in Him can our desires become purified and fulfilled by the One who created us and cares more about us than we could ever imagine.

Truly, He is faithful

Only when we are willing to place purity above social pressure will we be able to inspire the men

around us toward a higher standard of honor.

This doesn’t mean you should nag, criticize, or belittle guys who don’t share your standards.

Instead, guard your feminine honor by interacting with guys in an honorable way that points them

to Christ and His standards. Even if you never open your mouth to speak, let them see by your

example that your purity is sacred, and not to be tampered with.

A woman who guards purity may be mocked by the men of this world, but she will win the respect

of a man who truly has God’s heart.

Leslie Ludy