Some more purity talks !!!

Let’s have some purity talks again. A few of you have witnessed that some of these conversations have been useful to you especially because you do not get to listen to it elsewhere. So hearing it from a friend encourages you. I had a bit long conversation with a friend of mine last week, somehow I realized that he did receive a light from it and thus am lead to reproduce a part to encourage you to see things as it is.

For many, living a pure life is simply IMPOSSIBLE, yet each time there is a temptation to sin, the Holy Spirit reminds me of the verse Mathew 5:8

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

And so, I do not wish to live a single day without seeing God working in my life, in my circumstances and everywhere around me. You know the extent of hope it brings to our heart -  Knowing God is with us. He is there!!!

Here’s the conversation -

4/15/16, 11:18 PM - Jesse: Am out

4/15/16, 11:18 PM - Jesse: Near …………..

4/15/16, 11:18 PM - Kishore: Yezz

4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Kishore: Out ??

4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Kishore: Stil???

4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Kishore: What u dng der ??

4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Jesse: Yes

4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Jesse: Church

4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Jesse: I will be here till 24th

4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Kishore: Oh ok mass is der ha??

4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: Not mass

4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Kishore: Oh anythng special nw

4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: As such

4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: Meeting

4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: Aah

4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Kishore: Lyk any

4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: You should see it

4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: Atleast once

4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Kishore: Oh meetng so in dat wat u discus jesse

4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: That's why I want you to go to that church Kishore

4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Kishore: I had atttended mass

4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Jesse: Encourage believers to live a life pleasing to God

4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Jesse: Nooooooooo

4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Jesse: Its not mass

4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Kishore: I wil go jesse dats ma word

4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Jesse: Help them to see hope in God

4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Kishore: Ha ???

4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Kishore: Pleasing 2 God

4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Jesse: Not to get discouraged

4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Jesse: A life wherein God smiles at us

4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Kishore: Yes i needed dat jesse

4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Jesse: And say ... Hey She / He is a person who truly honours Me not by lips yet by her life

4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Jesse: I havent reached there

4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Jesse: Yet am pressing on

4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Jesse: Not with my strength

4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: His help alone

4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: Meanwhile encourage others like minded ppl

4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: Like me to take this journey

4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: Eg.

4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: How to keep away from lusting

4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: How to remain pure

4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Jesse: How to get prepared !!

4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Kishore: Hmmm u r an extra ordinary person jesse ..

4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Jesse: Ayooooo

4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Kishore: Am nt pure jesse

4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Jesse: I have storms in my life

4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Jesse: Yet God is giving grace

4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Kishore: Dat sounded gud i cn hear it here

4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Jesse: That's why its power from God

4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Jesse: Yet we need to obey God

4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Jesse: When He says not to go to that site

4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Jesse: Which will tempt you

4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Jesse: You shouldn't

4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Kishore: 4 me its unimaginable yar dats y tld u r extra ordinary

4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Jesse: When He says don't stare at that guy or girl

4/15/16, 11:26 PM - Jesse: We need to obey

4/15/16, 11:26 PM - Jesse: Ohhh

4/15/16, 11:26 PM - Jesse: Isn't it a beautiful life Kishore 

4/15/16, 11:26 PM - Jesse: Remaining sacred for God and the man/woman He brings in your life

4/15/16, 11:27 PM - Jesse: Its a challenge a battle

4/15/16, 11:27 PM - Jesse: Yet am getting stronger each day

4/15/16, 11:27 PM - Jesse: Eg. I never send a winking smiley to a guy whom I shouldn't

4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Kishore: Hmmm its human tendency 2 luk at gal or boy . Nt always nt lyk starng

4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: Even if unconsciously I sometimes type

4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: I delete it immediately

4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: Yeah

4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Kishore: Hmm

4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: Looking once

4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: OK

4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: Kishore 

4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Jesse: Getting attracted also its normal

4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Jesse: Yet lusting is diff

4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Jesse: I do not have to explain to you

4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Kishore: I admire beauty

4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Jesse: I believe you understand

4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Kishore: Yeah dat i agree wit u

4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Kishore: Yes got it

4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Kishore: Got it

4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Jesse: Getting attracted is so normal

4/15/16, 11:30 PM - Kishore: V r extremely diffrnt

4/15/16, 11:30 PM - Jesse: If you don't get attracted to the opposite sex ...THEN its abnormal ;)

4/15/16, 11:30 PM - Jesse: Its not extreme

4/15/16, 11:30 PM - Jesse: Its Grace :)

4/15/16, 11:32 PM - Kishore: Yeah dats d creation of God wich made male n female

4/15/16, 11:32 PM - Kishore: I ws thnkng hw difrnt u r frm d people i hav seen in ma  entire life .. Respect 4 u

4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: Yes true

4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: Ha ha ha

4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: You know how a small boy would say

4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: I don't like girls !!!!

4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: Ha ha ha

4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: Will a 15 yr old boy say such a thing

4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: It's part of creation

4/15/16, 11:40 PM - Kishore: Did anyone tld lyk dat ??

4/15/16, 11:40 PM - Kishore: Any boy???kid??

4/15/16, 11:40 PM - Jesse: Arey ask a 5 yr old boy

4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Jesse: Just ck it

4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Jesse: If I am right or not

4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Jesse: He will say No

4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Jesse: I want to play with boys

4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Jesse: Its funny

4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Kishore: Dats bcz he too small

4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: Yes

4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Kishore: Bt later i dnt thnk

4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: That's the point

4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: Yes as soon as he gets matured

4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: Ahhhh

4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: Things change

4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: :)

4/15/16, 11:43 PM - Kishore: Yep yep

4/15/16, 11:44 PM - Kishore: D day wen i became lyk u i wil make wonders wit grace of god .. In a pure way

4/15/16, 11:45 PM - Jesse: You are not like others

4/15/16, 11:45 PM - Jesse: You are good at heart

4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: One small advice though

4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: Don't try to prove the world anything

4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: You are what you are !!

4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: :)

4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: Don't ask me to explain

4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: You will understand it :)

4/15/16, 11:47 PM - Kishore: Hmmm i had gne thru wrng ways also

4/15/16, 11:48 PM - Jesse: Not like me

4/15/16, 11:48 PM - Jesse: I had gone through many wrong ways :)

4/15/16, 11:49 PM - Kishore: 4 me meaning of ma lyf is jst 2 make people smile even if am sad .. 2 help .. 2 jst do thngs of justice dats it , whle gng thru dat , wrong path cmes whr i had 2 step

4/15/16, 11:50 PM - Kishore: Hmm 2 b frank mre dan dat

4/15/16, 11:50 PM - Kishore: Hmm

4/15/16, 11:51 PM - Jesse: Hmmm

4/15/16, 11:51 PM - Jesse: I don't undestnd the full

4/15/16, 11:52 PM - Jesse: :)

4/15/16, 11:52 PM - Jesse: Good nite

4/15/16, 11:52 PM - Jesse: Kishore

4/15/16, 11:52 PM - Jesse: Sleeping

4/15/16, 11:53 PM - Kishore: Its d dificult 2 understand d world wich u had nt seen ..

4/15/16, 11:56 PM - Kishore: Gud nyt jesse God bless u .. 

B d daughter of  Lord .. !!tc bye

Hope you are blessed and trust me – it is worth to seek God’s power to live a pure life unto Him.

The School days

In one instance, i had taken Papa’s very good and sharp scissors to school for a project. And as it could be expected, someone had stolen it from my bag or while it had been left abandoned on the table. While I was getting back home that day, I remember feeling ‘dead like a lizard’, not knowing what to reply to Papa. I tried begging Mercy to take the blame upon herself as she was Papa’s pet and could escape without getting scolded. She was a perfect daughter, who everything in the best way possible without causing any trouble to others. Yet she refused my plea. Who would risk doing that when there wasn’t any guarantee that it wouldn’t happen again!

And so these were my childhood days. Yet, none of these incidents prevented me from my Operation ‘Exploration’. My desires were always set upon doing things that were ‘ forbidden’ . 

My childhood revolved around School. My school was my world..!! While any school going child would prefer to stay at home and so find excuses to take leave from it, I was just the opposite. ‘Meghalaya’,my hometown, when translated means ‘the house of clouds’ . It would have rainy weather more for than half a year. Hailstorms were also quite common. Besides this, there were frequent curfews and bandhs due to political reasons. Since my school was situated in the air force region, 60 % of the students could make it to school even in the most adverse conditions.

I remember many such incidents, when Mummy, seeing the weather outside, would not wake us up in the morning and allow us to sleep presuming we would stay at home. But somehow, I would wake up by 6:30 am ( which would mean only 30 minutes to go and catch the office jeep to go to the school) and Seeing my sisters happily lying on the bed I would weep loudly. It literally brought the roof to the ground. Why ? Just because I did not want to stay at home and wished to go to school as always. With a 75-25 ratio I would win the battle . Somehow with my skirt half tucked in, and Rs 5 in my fist for lunch, I would manage to catch the office jeep. This was the normal scenario at home, as ‘Jesse’ was a very serious student. I wanted to attend all the classes without missing even one, while Mercy and Ruth would prefer to stay back at home, happily sleeping under the warm cozy blankets.

Friendship was very special to me. I never chose friends based on their intelligence or smartness or even beauty. Even from my childhood days I sought friends who would be ‘good listeners'. Yes..just good listeners would do. Someone who could add a ‘hmmm’ to everything I said.  

 Isn’t it beautiful how God creates us. No two people are alike. We are all created beautifully by Him. We all possess different temperament .. different even within a family. We should never feed awkward or low about these differences. He is the perfect ‘Potter’ who knows about our future even before the best calendar could mark it down.

Then as the earth revolved around the Sun making revolutions year after year…this jesse from childhood now entered into her teenage. Until then, I was pretty innocent yet now adolescence was taking a stall over me. I wanted to be famous even more. Co-curricular activity was the sword on my right hand and academic studies the shield on the left. Adding to all of these since I was slowing entering into my adulthood, I now had  the desire to be appreciated for my looks. I had known that I wasn’t as fair as other girls ( People in North East are all fair, having really straight long hair and a slim figure) and that would unknowingly bring down my confidence. Still I strove to do my best in everything. School was everything to me. Even at home I would spend hours together thinking about ‘what had happened that day and what would happen the next day’.

Running past all the other years, let me take you to the period of my life that had seen a complete make over. This was the end of my 8^th standard. As there were rumors in the school that students would be taken to a Darjeeling mountaineering trip. Bingo !! This was what my soul desired. A trip !! Too good to behold..this young mind thought of the mountaineering experience - the  colorful dresses I would be allowed to wear, the fun I would have with my friends and what not. So there I was excited to break this news at home. The school had charged around Rs 400 I believe. It was a little more for my family to provide yet I hoped I could convince my parents. So I waited for my mother to return from her school. She was a primary teacher in a private school.

Here I should make a note that the lives of my parents  too revolved around our education. They never bought any new cloths for themselves yet provided all that they could for us, their  four gems. My father could have bought a bike or a new gadget to boast about with his friends, yet family was his priority. God bless my parents. I can very well recall this conversation that my Papa had with his office manager while he withdrew some money from his PF ( provisional fund) for Victoria’s degree admission. While he applied for the withdrawal form, he was advice by the manager that he shouldn’t be his savings like this and should rather keep it for his post retirement period.’ ‘Lala careful’, was what they had advised him . Yet my  father used almost all his savings on us and never thought about his future.

So my mother had arrived from the school and before I could even announce the Big carnival news, Mercy in turn had shared the same news with both Mummy and Papa and they were willing to send her to this trip. What had happened !! My dreams were crushed into pieces .  All my plans got washed away by the flood waters. Yet, I wasn’t a loving sister nor had ever understood the meaning of sacrifice and I went and told Mummy that I too was planning to go. Without any second thought, Mummy said ‘no’ as they couldn’t afford for two people. Mercy as her nature was, immediately told my parents that she wouldn’t and that jesse could go alone. Yet, Mummy did not agree to this. If not for Mercy, then not even for  jesse. Today, I understand why Mummy had said so, yet then I did not. I was furious . I wept yet they wouldn’t listen. I went for a two and a half days dharna ( starvation process), yet they wouldn’t. The school had given a week whole break for the end term examination. My parents fearing that I wouldn’t study and that I was actually serious about my decision and so they finally relented and said..okey we shall see..!! So I had my food and began preparing  for the exams. 

Days passed by and I entered into my 9^th standard. It was time to pay the trip fare and my parents said ‘no’. I felt like I was cheated. I somehow accepted it, though I was bitter within. It had taken me some days to come back to normal.

It aches my soul to realize how unloving a human can be. Human beings created in the very image of a loving God sometimes or maybe many a times forget their origin. It’s sad yet thank God that He calls us all to ‘repentance’, ‘He calls sinners to repentance’. This word ‘repentance’ sounds very bitter and ugly to those who haven’t tasted the Lord, yet this is what has saved me. It was His saving grace that picked up a hard and coarse stone like me and transformed me into a garden wherein those who come in – into my life today call me ‘blessed’. I believe that, this is how Mary must have felt when she met Elizabeth. She realized that she was an unworthy girl chosen by the most Holy God to become the mother of His Son. May we all have this same attitude within us.  

The greatest of all works, God my Father, has been doing in my life, is making this ‘I’ slowly disappear and having a horizontal dash, thereby firmly placing a cross ‘†’ in its place. Nothing has ever given me the joy – the true joy that this ‘life in Christ’ has been giving me.

So , this is how I entered my  9^th standard and it was a smooth start. Then one day all of a sudden, our teacher announced about a 3-4 day Scouts and Guides camp in Guwahati. Guwahati was a nearby city located in the state of Assam. It wasn’t as far as Darjeeling yet it was definitely  miles away from Shillong. ‘COOL’, if not Darjeeling than it should be Guwahati. “ Mummy, you did not allow me to go for the Darjeeling trip, this camp I will by no means forgo .. I am going…… bye!!”. That was my confidence !! And my parents allowed me to go. It was a wonderful camp and I learnt a lot and as I had earlier mentioned this ‘jack of all trades’ displayed a real good number of talents. I received almost the maximum number of awards for the dance competition, speaking, elocution and yes, drawing too. This was what I was known in the camp ‘ jesse jaisi koi nehi’ ( it meant ‘no one is like jesse’ – this was  a famous serial programme being aired in the television those days). A mere reading of this paragraph would make people think that – ‘ wow, her student life was very wonderful’.  It is Only the girl ‘jesse’ who knows how she was feeling within. As said celebration stays for a while, I was eaten up from within. A well decorated white washed tomb. Too beautiful to behold from outside yet inside ..decaying and stinking. I couldn’t withstand anyone getting even a mark more than me, I couldn’t tolerate anyone being appreciated even if it was own close friend, had no genuine love for anyone, all my dreams were shortsighted – just momentary happiness. That was how I was…yes ‘I was’ -  Praise God… ‘Great change has come over me since I was born’ – since I was born again !!

This camp lead me further and I returned back home having been the first guide of the school who ever participated for the ‘National conference for scouts and guides’ held at Dehradun. Dehradun is a city in Uttaranchal, miles and miles away from Darjeeling and definitely from Shillong itself. What had happened in this Guwahati camp ? I was selected as the only student from my school (though we were four) one among the  25-30 students representing the whole North-East region ( 7 states), for the National Camp which was to be held a month later in Dehradun. Thus making me the first among my siblings to travel by train and that too, to a far away state in India. This was a great success for me and my fame .. yes ..i would like to quote this word ‘fame’ began to spread in the School and in other K.V Schools.

It’s really amazing, even as  I recall this incident , God was even then proving to me that His plans for my life were not just greater – ‘ it was not what I had planned or ever desired for’.  Then ‘I wanted Darjeeling – He gave me Dehradun’,  ‘then  I wanted successful life – Today He has given me Eternal Life’, ‘Then I wanted everyone to know who I was – Today He is using me ( such an unworthy person as you can see ) to make His Glorious name known’. Sometimes you wonder in God’s choices..!! By human standards I would be the last person of my family to be chosen by God. Today,….’Look what the Lord has done !!’ Hallelujah..!!

And God also selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is lowborn and insignificant and branded and treated with contempt, even the things that are nothing, that He might depose and bring to nothing the things that are, So that no mortal man should [have pretense for glorying and] boast in the presence of God. 1 Corin 1:28,29