Tuesday, November 15, 2016

AND ..... Everything has a beginning !!

God did not want me to marry any X,Y,Z ...... He wanted me to marry His Will and that was 'Will' alone !!

Our story..........

It was the beginning of the year 2014, and i would often treat myself after a weeklong ministrial trip , with a good Christian movie and so, on that particular day...as marked by God ( i am a strong unbeliever of the phenomenon called 'coincidence') and i was browsing through many sites and even as i was doing it..i am sure about what was happening in the heavenly realms ..

God might have called out to His angel probably Gabriel or Michael .. hmmmm! should be Gabriel because i have noticed that GOD usually sends Gabriel for such assignments to Earth like in the case of Mary and Joseph..and So God calls the Archangle Gabriel - "It's time !!
Gabriel : Time for what?
God : It's time to introduce 'My will' to my daughter jesse!!
Gabriel: How will this come to pass almighty God..she hardly communicates freely with any boy and what about the fence around her ;)
God: Is anything to hard for Me?
Gabriel: Here..i am at Your service !!
God: Go and direct the Google SEO ( search engine optimization) in her pc to somehow land to the webpage -'http://silaszechariah.wordpress.com'
Gabriel: Surely...i will do is asap!

Scene 2 : Jesse browsing through her pc ....

So i was browsing through the lumpsome of Christian websites and then i came across a website called http://silaszechariah.wordpress.com - clean and edifying movies !!
"Wow..sounds good....let me go through it !!"

and then i came across a list of movies and there was a column to the left..to suggest any other movie that was not listed in the site....
and this excited me as my Unle had got me many clean Christian movies from the time i had come to Chennai .....!

So....now my second step:
(our steps are directed by God!!
The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Psalms 37:23
"So let me see who is Silas Zechariah? There seems to be a biodata , a profile ..... which country is he from ? (Jesse reading through the profile carefullly....)

WoW !! - looks like he is an Indian.

(Jesse reading the profile further....)

Wow !! He is from Tamil Nadu

(Jesse reading the profile further...)

Wow---wow and a big WOW !! He is from CFC ;)

CFC= Christian Fellowship church......
The church of believers that meets at Christian Fellowship Centre (CFC) today commenced with a few families that first met together in Bangalore, India in August 1975.
Led by Zac Poonen and Ian Robson, they decided to first be disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ themselves, and then to make disciples in obedience to the Lord's commission in Matthew 28:18-20. They emphasized new birth, holiness of inner life, mutual love, moral purity, financial integrity and sharing God's truth with others -
founding every aspect of their lives on God's Word alone.

So i sent an email appreciating the work that he had been doing and almost had forgotten about it . After a week or so..i recieved an email from from him and that was how it began..... step by step....step by step...!! Every work that the Lord does has a beginning ... it's good to look back and thank Him for His doing...! Everything in the life of a child of God is for a purpose..i should say - a specific purpose..!! We shouldn't give any room to doubt ...!! The good news is...even if we fail ...and yes...even if we do commit a blunder mistake...the moment we seek His help and grace .... He is there to help us out....many times even create beautiful things from the mess we had just created for ourselves...! It's all about trusting God....and believing that - HE loves us much more than we even love ourselves..!! and if we trust Him we can be sure that.........
He would make all things work out for our good...our eternal good!! Now..... how many of us have this trust upon GOD ? Though He is waiting for us to have one !!

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

I will marry the will of God !!

Sub-title: When God does 'the knitting' secretly !

So here i am.. about to let out portions of my book ... 'i will marry the will of God'. I am actually thrilled to have received this title from the Lord through a friend in Christ. As i was discussing with him about the proposals that were at hand. He suddenly popped a question and asked me ..so whom do you wish to marry 'dash' or 'dash' ?

Without a pause and without a second thought ..i replied ...'I want to marry - the will of God"!

While my google plus posts are more casual and blunt, i enjoy making my blog articles more personal and open !

So...even as God has been knitting things together secretly....He has been merciful to let me have a glimpse of a few threads here and there..!! Sometimes...i am tempted to run behind Him and hand Him the ball of wool thus indirectly telling Him to 'make it move fast' .... Yet He sternly and mildly tells me - to wait patiently for the fullness of time !!

I can bet you one thing .. God is the best Story Writer and He can produce the most wonderful story out of your life ... in sections and in whole too....if you are willing to hand over your life's pen into His hands.

Now i know many of us have this fear ..that even i used to have ... !!
When a storm comes into my life..i would immidiately fear the consequences and thus my faith would waver..!! When my Godly friends would inquire and encourage me as .. "Have faith and trust God jesse ..He is still on the throne!!"...i would tell them.. 'No doubt - i am trusting God ..yet my fear is ..i have no trust on myself..- what if ?...God is punishing me for my follies and i am reaping the consequences of my sins or God is breaking me?'  Now exteriorly ..i seem to be right ..yet my attitude was absolutely wrong..i didn't trust my loving Father..and that's why fear would often grip me..!!

Today....i know...that it's pleasing to God to take me through the pathways of suffering and also...He desires for me to be a broken vessel ..yes..YET now i don't fear the consequence...i am glad...that all things will work out for my good ! (Romans 8:28) Even my follies...( which are many in number ) will work out for my good.

I have the  habit of writing mails to people...especially when i am excited about something... I have written many mails to many people in the past...! Today when i check through my inbox and the sent items...mails that i had written some 2-3 years ago..OHHH !! I feel very vekkam ( shy and embarassed too ) and would like to bury my head some 10,000 km into the soil..for some mails.. especially the immature ones..!! Yet...at the same time..God has used this same very mails..and have worked out everything for my good.!!

So God the Best Story writer...doesn't use an eraser i believe!! When i would meet Him face to face ( the day that's not far away)..this would be one of the things that i would like to confirm -  "Father..do You use an eraser for Your children, i mean..when You write down their stories? ".... You know what happens whenever we commit some foolish act...He tries to fit in our action somehow into the story and creates a more wonderful and exciting story from all the mess we have created!!( Now this doesn't mean that you take all things for granted and carelessly do anything ...hoping that God would someone manage with it...no..!! not so !! God sees your heart !!)

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being  might boast in the presence of God.   
                                                                                                                          1Corinthians  1:27-29

God's ways are wonderful and exciting - i have no doubt regarding this!!And so i wish that He takes full charge over my life and lead me ..step by step..to His will ..His will yes..His will ( threads of which ..He has already begun to expose )

[ Hey, Jesse!! You didn't even begun your story ? Yes..intentionally..i havent !!... let me be an instrument to help you to learn 'patience' even as God had and has been teaching me during this pathway laid down by Him - 'to know His will- to find His will- to pursue His will- to wait for His will- and finally one day : to receive His will ' yet all the while..placing His will upon the altar..so that
His 'will' would NEVER replace the throne in my heart that is set only and only for HIM!!]

Thursday, August 4, 2016

The being and feelings of motherhood !

                    The being and feelings of motherhood !

There is something so awesome and precious about being a mother. I've seen many of my hyper, adamant and really impatient friends become such caring, compassionate and gentle mom's today. Am seriously surprised !! It's all due to the great and marvelous plan laid down for every woman by our great Creator God. ( At the same time ... a woman is all complete yes 100% without a husband or a child if that's God's will for her life. ) 

Motherhood brings with it slight nervousness, positive fear and much of a change......... BTW, i know that you all are just about to laugh out loudly because of the 'status quo' of this writer ;)
Anyways, can't i write my experience about the feelings of motherhood in a single girl !! WOW !! Sounds a very unique and exciting article, hardly ever written down by any girl.

So a child remains attached to her/his mom for 9-10 months and on one final day he/she has to be 'cut off' from her. It's wonderful that while many other things change in a child as he grows up like his milk tooth gets replaced, his skin colour too changes and his height, weight, etc etc...yet a man continues to bear this mark of 'attachment' with his mom until his death..Any guesses? Yes...his NAVEL !!

I have a wonderful neighbour family and today as i was sipping my tea seated on my green mat ( the day i had written it in my diary), i found this young toddler nearly 1 1/2 years of age enter into my room!! How bold to enter in without my permission or even a single knock!! ;) I never used to do such a thing yet this time i lifted him up and cuddled him. He was silent and i felt overwhelmed! His grandmother came looking for him and by then i had moved out of my room. Till this time, he seemed to be quite comfortable in my arms. He saw his grandmom and i asked to wave a 'tata' to her and he did it!! Yes, he did it !!  I brought him back into the house. By then Aunty came running after me and asked me to ' Give IT away ', his grand-mom is waiting. !!
I laughed and exclaimed 
"Give IT away" ? Aunty laughed along with me...we repeated...Give him away !!

Truly remember those childhood days wherein we would play mother-mother, though i would never really cherish such games. We would wrap our dolls in a shawl and we would be their mothers. We would spoon feed those dolls and while pouring water into their mouth, the same water would flow out elsewhere and we would shout - diapers please..!!  Hilarious...!! 

And yes...i gave him away...though i really cherished having him in my arms. I now understand, God has definitely knitted 'this' motherly affection within every woman. Ahh..sounds emotional !!!
At the same time...i do not explicit this emotion in public. All i do is make faces...when a child comes running towards me, i make him terrified by some funny facial expression - either shrink my face or blow my cheeks...whichever seems fitting for the occasion ;) and on seeing me..poor child runs away from me - weeping and shrieking. Immediately i would get back to normal and those mother's would ask their children ...... 'Yen..inna ayidhchi?' ( why what has happened? ) Ha ha ha !! 
The mischievous me !! 

Yes, and about games ... I do remember another game..'wedding-wedding' and sadly i would be the pathetic bride and the target of all facial decorations - designs on my forehead. My dear sisters yes..Boinu and Mercy along with their friends would experiment all that they could on my face - lipstick, watercolour, garlands and what not !! Oh  poor me !! This is called ' Sister Abuse'. ;)

Recently my neighbour friend reminded me about that...

7/1/16, 9:37 PM - Sameer: U know in child
7/1/16, 9:37 PM - Jesse: Yea
7/1/16, 9:38 PM - Sameer: U always my wife
7/1/16, 9:38 PM - Sameer: When u came to play
7/1/16, 9:38 PM - Jesse: Ohh really
7/1/16, 9:38 PM - Sameer: In child hood
7/1/16, 9:38 PM - Sameer: 😂😂😂
7/1/16, 9:38 PM - Jesse: Ha ha ha
7/1/16, 9:39 PM - Sameer: Q bhul gaye(why have you forgotten?)
7/1/16, 9:39 PM - Jesse: Nehi (No)
7/1/16, 9:39 PM - Sameer: 😜😜😜
7/1/16, 9:39 PM - Sameer: Are
7/1/16, 9:39 PM - Jesse: Deliberately bhool diya ( Deliberately forgotten)
7/1/16, 9:39 PM - Sameer: Yaar
7/1/16, 9:39 PM - Sameer: I am so
7/1/16, 9:39 PM - Sameer: Haha
7/1/16, 9:39 PM - Sameer: Gud
7/1/16, 9:40 PM - Sameer: Even I forgot
7/1/16, 9:40 PM - Sameer: 😂😂😜😜😜
7/1/16, 9:40 PM - Jesse: OK bhool jaoo ( Ok forget it )

Funny !!!

Is there anything you desire which is not sinful ? You can pray this prayer along with me...

" Father You have created me, these desire within me, Isn't it You Father, who has placed that within me? Father - i do not wish to gratify my self with the things of this world - there shouldn't be any kind of a void within me, because You are all sufficient for me. es, You are all sufficient for me. 

Come let's make a deal Father..Jesus had promised that to me... I will take His yoke upon myself for He is meek and I would find rest for my soul thereby!

At the same time, please take away my burdens ... It is heavy and it's crushing me and i don't think anyone can truly understand me as You do ! So here it is..Seal the deal Father!

Do keep Your promise as You always do! 

In Jesus' name i ask this prayer...Amen  So be it 


Many years ago Amreetha had shared something that her relative had told her - a bit of an advice to all mom's. " When you  become a mother, please do not forget that you have a husband too!! Just keep this thing in your mind that from NOW onwards -  you have two sons to care for !!" Wonderful advice !!
And so after a few years, after Amreetha had her first child Sahana, a true blessing, i happened to see lots of  solo pics of Sahana in Amreetha's profile pic and it was then i used the very same advice  and reminded her - " Amreetha don't forget that you have another son to care for !!" She smiled !!

And just FYI i'm an active Opposer of abortion, and i do speak quiet strongly against it whenever i get an opportunity to. Also....as of me...God willing i wish to have 4 kids of my own ( stamped, addressed and posted ;) )

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Crushes and Crashes !!!

Crushes and Crashes !!!

I have been watching a few movies…shhhh Christian movies in the past weeks … probably one movie a week…that isn’t very bad …!! I somehow realized that I am a little drawn towards movies that have a storyline, a family genre or sometimes a clean love story. Come on  .. yes .. love story…nothing wrong about it…!!!

In particular some movies have been of a great challenge to me like Pamela’s Prayer, Grace unplugged, Princess cut etc.

When I was in Malaysia last year, a girl dared to ask me (no one does it..seeing me in white in white ;) Akka do you have a boyfriend? And I was shocked … !! I asked her ..what has made you ask me such a question and to which she replied.. “it just seems impossible to believe that ..no one has ever proposed to you!! I replied …………………….!!

Recently have been going through a couple of videos by Eric and Leslie Ludy …Love those articles and Videos…Why? I see there's Christ centered relationship in there. Not like a fairy tale – wherein we see heroes riding on  a white horse or a girl with a tiara … !! Their’s is/was a love story written by God ….set as a challenge and example to many young people. If I ever have one….i was thinking about it the other day…and while watching a particular video…I have come up with the Title  – “      ;)”

Many girls have lot of questions about this matter and lots to share about yet many aren’t as open as they should be. All the information they ever receive is from the filthy TV programmes and emotional falsified love stories….wherein an uneducated gang leader falls in love with an educated college girl. He follows her and she falls in love with him…probably when he rescues her from some villain…etc etc…..!! These worldly-false-lust-eruptive movies have done much harm to the society, much more than even pornography has done. I personally found it hard to pick myself up after having read through the news report about the recent Nungambakkam murder case. After having watched the live stills with her dead body lying on the railway platform…I should say…I wept … !! Why has human life become so cheap?
So…sorry..i was supposed to take this along another line yet…it’s difficult to tame a writer’s thoughts and her writing fingers. Yes… _crushes and crashes_..!!

Did I ever have any crush ;) and DO YOU THINK THAT I WOULD EVER PUBLISH IT??
Yet I do have some hilarious moments to narrate!!
I was just in my 10 th std…as mentioned I was known as a studious girl. I wasn’t attractive and that was a concern to me sometimes. Yet I was a confident person – ( not saved yet) !! I had a friend, and I along with another two girls would frequently visit his house to have some food as his mother would prepare good tasty ones. Our school was located in an airforce area and it was fun to visit their quarters. He was younger to me…come on…he was a good innocent friend yet poor boy….he began to have crush upon me….!! Adding to his folly was he shared it to a few other classmates and when I was told about it….I wept and probably stopped speaking with him for months together. Till date ……. ….. he has been apologizing almost every time that he had once made me cry….I have told him…forgiven!!

Though there were a few things that used to attract me like …. Guys with guitar, a mountaineer, a pet lover, V neck Tshirt, casual and simple looks, 6 feet, hmmmm…clean shaven….yet…never did God allow me to fall for any guy..!! Let’s all shout Praise God for this !!

Yes….that was a young jesse….even during my college days…there were quite a lot of temptations yet God faithfully guarded me via a fence named Uncle and also when he wasn’t around..through different ways. During my college days…there was a trend wherein guys would drop their girlfriends near the college gate, also as I would ride my bike from home to college daily ..it was a common thing to see girls being seated behind a guy in their colouful bikes and making a public display of their so called affection. It wasn’t unnoticed to my eyes…and I wouldn’t shut my eyes either…yet ….i thank God … He enabled me to use this as an opportunity to pray Jesse’s Pamela’s prayer…..yes I do have one. And I would pray… “Lord…I too wish - to one day sit as a pillion rider behind a guy…Yet Lord…if it ever happens ..that guy should be none other than my husband”…...and joy would flood my soul…a joy of God’s grace and faithfulness….a joy of hope and faith for the future.

Of course I was tempted a couple of times…yet God preserved me. I can recall of an incident wherein I was to go to a school to complete my Rotaract club hours. And the coordinator probably from Loyala I believe after the programme approached me and asked if he could drop me back home. God had already given me the strength to say no..!! why ?  There was a fear in me ..that continues to this date. Some ask me .. "what’s wrong in meeting up with a guy….it’s not that you are going to marry him..after all it’s just meeting up for a cup of coffee?               
What kind of fear do I have here….it’s the sincere acknowledgement that I am after all flesh. And it wouldn’t take a moment for me to fall into any of the devil’s snare. I had seen so many girls…yes even believers finding it difficult to break away relationships with unbelievers…!! How did it begin…yes….it began from that – harmless..little catching up @ Café Coffee Day.

Recently someone confronted me ..your standards are too high jesse…. "you are dreaming..and what guarantee do you have that he too has such standards…don’t be a fool jesse"!!!
I replied him with these three words – I trust God !!

While doing my internship in LV Prasad studio, we were about to finish with our project and my team who were from a college of another state had borrowed some money from me. It was not a borrow sort of a thing…it was that I had purchased something ..and they had to pay me back. This was my last week there. The person incharge…would remind me… “Oh..i have to pay you back the money…!!” I sincerely believed that he was concerned about paying me back. Yet at the end of the day…he wouldn’t. Monday,Tuesday….Thurday had passed…yet he did not pay me back my money. Finally on Friday afternoon….i receive a call…asking if I was free. I was unable to join the dots and asked the explanation ….why?  He replied … “could I pay you back the money over a coffee somewhere outside….!!” Ahhh….i understood the un-narrated motive….and I politely told him to keep the money to himself and have a good single meal in a fine restaurant.

No…no collars lifted up and no claps for this!!! I am just as flesh as you are yet..God has been faithful to - keep me ‘His beloved pearl’  safely inside His shell…..He will open the shell when His one comes in …Right….!! I have the faith to believe this…and am for it!!

What about you….how many times will you give yourself away to someone who isn’t The one God has for you….even if you think he is …. Are you willing to honour God with a Christ centered relationship? Are you willing to battle this flesh of yours and live a pure life unto Him? Are you willing to Wait ?
Recently someone asked me this question –
Sameer: so how’s your hero?
Jesse - I don’t have any hero?
Sameer: Jhoot (lie)
Jesse – I don’t have any hero…yet I do have a future husband…and he should be doing fine :)

So let me fill in the blanks .....

No Crushes yet many crashes !!!

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

And the Farewell time...tata bye bye Shillong !!

"Mummy i will never leave you and go, even if it takes me to change my posting area, i will work wherever i could get you to stay with me", this was what young Jesse would tell her Mummy.

Now as i entered my 15th year, many things had happened at home, and every storm lead this boat of mine to move away and away from Mummy...this time to another direction...not North nor East neither West - It was SOUTH !!

One way jesse was excited that she could now start a new life altogether yet ..YET leaving behind friends was a little bit of a struggle.

" jesse Chennai jaakar tu badal tho nehi jaayegi?" ( So, Will you change after you go to Chennai?)

Jesse: " haaa.....jesse and change - impossible!!"

And i believe - God her heavenly Father must have had a good laughter there in heaven..."jesse  - not just a change ... I AM going to turn your world downside UP". Such a thorough work will be done in your life dear jesse, that the very existence of the phrase 'haa....jesse?' will no longer exist !!!"

It was probably the 22nd or 23rd of May 2005, Mercy and jesse left for Chennai - a long, hot, sweaty - 3 days journey - not knowing what would be in store for us in the coming days.

We landed Chennai at night and was picked up by Aunty and a cousin. Aunty...yes...my dear Aunty...Mrs Christiana Paranjothy....known as Christy Aunty in the family.

'ting - tong' !! "you both have arrived ?" It was dark and some one shouted - "close the doors...there's mosquitoes outside ....enter in soon.." There was this figure that i had seen for the first time...white in white...And here was my dear Uncle...He was working on his pc and he turned around at looked at us. He enquired a few questions and we immediately slipped into the guest room.

The following day, Aunty had a trip to take ..which would mean her being away for 3-4 days. It was the VBS season and there were 2 boys staying at home...also 4 girls and 2 other boys from the church. Everyone was supposed to leave for a programme in Redhills.

jesse was the youngest then..and she was made to sit next to Uncle. Uncle had handed over his mobile phone to me and i stumbled over it...as it was the first time i was handling a mobile phone in my life. During the programme..songs were being played...all Tamil songs and girls were performing on the stage. Uncle was leading them and teaching them. There was a huge crowd of Sunday school teachers and Mercy and i were lost among them. As the songs were being played...i began loosing my patience ...my fingers moved..my feet tapped  and i found myself..standing and dancing to the song right at the end of the crowd.

Uncle paused and spotted me and called me. He gave me the platform ...remember this was my second day in Chennai. He asked me to join the girls on stage...and so did i !! God had showed me even then that He had a ministry for me ----????

        " to help"

i danced....not knowing the meaning of a single word...just lip synced the song...did it with all the zeal i had...thinking this was my service to God..." to gladden and encourage the teachers to learn the action songs."

I jumped the highest, moved the fastest and did everything that i could... He had a plan for me - which was yet to be revealed ...YET had been already written down in HIS book !! Yes...in HIS voluminous book of jesse's life - why ? Because - HE knew it very well.......

                                       ' she has been created for a specific purpose '

VBS action song - a glimpse ( video - click the link to play )

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Some more purity talks !!!

Let’s have some purity talks again. A few of you have witnessed that some of these conversations have been useful to you especially because you do not get to listen to it elsewhere. So hearing it from a friend encourages you. I had a bit long conversation with a friend of mine last week, somehow I realized that he did receive a light from it and thus am lead to reproduce a part to encourage you to see things as it is.

For many, living a pure life is simply IMPOSSIBLE, yet each time there is a temptation to sin, the Holy Spirit reminds me of the verse Mathew 5:8
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

And so, I do not wish to live a single day without seeing God working in my life, in my circumstances and everywhere around me. You know the extent of hope it brings to our heart -  Knowing God is with us. He is there!!!

Here’s the conversation -

4/15/16, 11:18 PM - Jesse: Am out
4/15/16, 11:18 PM - Jesse: Near …………..
4/15/16, 11:18 PM - Kishore: Yezz
4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Kishore: Out ??
4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Kishore: Stil???
4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Kishore: What u dng der ??
4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Jesse: Yes
4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Jesse: Church
4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Jesse: I will be here till 24th
4/15/16, 11:19 PM - Kishore: Oh ok mass is der ha??
4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: Not mass
4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Kishore: Oh anythng special nw
4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: As such
4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: Meeting
4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: Aah
4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Kishore: Lyk any
4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: You should see it
4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: Atleast once
4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Kishore: Oh meetng so in dat wat u discus jesse
4/15/16, 11:20 PM - Jesse: That's why I want you to go to that church Kishore
4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Kishore: I had atttended mass
4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Jesse: Encourage believers to live a life pleasing to God
4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Jesse: Nooooooooo
4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Jesse: Its not mass
4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Kishore: I wil go jesse dats ma word
4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Jesse: Help them to see hope in God
4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Kishore: Ha ???
4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Kishore: Pleasing 2 God
4/15/16, 11:21 PM - Jesse: Not to get discouraged
4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Jesse: A life wherein God smiles at us
4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Kishore: Yes i needed dat jesse
4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Jesse: And say ... Hey She / He is a person who truly honours Me not by lips yet by her life
4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Jesse: I havent reached there
4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Jesse: Yet am pressing on
4/15/16, 11:22 PM - Jesse: Not with my strength
4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: His help alone
4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: Meanwhile encourage others like minded ppl
4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: Like me to take this journey
4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: Eg.
4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: How to keep away from lusting
4/15/16, 11:23 PM - Jesse: How to remain pure
4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Jesse: How to get prepared !!
4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Kishore: Hmmm u r an extra ordinary person jesse ..
4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Jesse: Ayooooo
4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Kishore: Am nt pure jesse
4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Jesse: I have storms in my life
4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Jesse: Yet God is giving grace
4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Kishore: Dat sounded gud i cn hear it here
4/15/16, 11:24 PM - Jesse: That's why its power from God
4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Jesse: Yet we need to obey God
4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Jesse: When He says not to go to that site
4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Jesse: Which will tempt you
4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Jesse: You shouldn't
4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Kishore: 4 me its unimaginable yar dats y tld u r extra ordinary
4/15/16, 11:25 PM - Jesse: When He says don't stare at that guy or girl
4/15/16, 11:26 PM - Jesse: We need to obey
4/15/16, 11:26 PM - Jesse: Ohhh
4/15/16, 11:26 PM - Jesse: Isn't it a beautiful life Kishore 
4/15/16, 11:26 PM - Jesse: Remaining sacred for God and the man/woman He brings in your life
4/15/16, 11:27 PM - Jesse: Its a challenge a battle
4/15/16, 11:27 PM - Jesse: Yet am getting stronger each day
4/15/16, 11:27 PM - Jesse: Eg. I never send a winking smiley to a guy whom I shouldn't
4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Kishore: Hmmm its human tendency 2 luk at gal or boy . Nt always nt lyk starng
4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: Even if unconsciously I sometimes type
4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: I delete it immediately
4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: Yeah
4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Kishore: Hmm
4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: Looking once
4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: OK
4/15/16, 11:28 PM - Jesse: Kishore 
4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Jesse: Getting attracted also its normal
4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Jesse: Yet lusting is diff
4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Jesse: I do not have to explain to you
4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Kishore: I admire beauty
4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Jesse: I believe you understand
4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Kishore: Yeah dat i agree wit u
4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Kishore: Yes got it
4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Kishore: Got it
4/15/16, 11:29 PM - Jesse: Getting attracted is so normal
4/15/16, 11:30 PM - Kishore: V r extremely diffrnt
4/15/16, 11:30 PM - Jesse: If you don't get attracted to the opposite sex ...THEN its abnormal ;)
4/15/16, 11:30 PM - Jesse: Its not extreme
4/15/16, 11:30 PM - Jesse: Its Grace :)
4/15/16, 11:32 PM - Kishore: Yeah dats d creation of God wich made male n female
4/15/16, 11:32 PM - Kishore: I ws thnkng hw difrnt u r frm d people i hav seen in ma  entire life .. Respect 4 u
4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: Yes true
4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: Ha ha ha
4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: You know how a small boy would say
4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: I don't like girls !!!!
4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: Ha ha ha
4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: Will a 15 yr old boy say such a thing
4/15/16, 11:39 PM - Jesse: It's part of creation
4/15/16, 11:40 PM - Kishore: Did anyone tld lyk dat ??
4/15/16, 11:40 PM - Kishore: Any boy???kid??
4/15/16, 11:40 PM - Jesse: Arey ask a 5 yr old boy
4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Jesse: Just ck it
4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Jesse: If I am right or not
4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Jesse: He will say No
4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Jesse: I want to play with boys
4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Jesse: Its funny
4/15/16, 11:41 PM - Kishore: Dats bcz he too small
4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: Yes
4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Kishore: Bt later i dnt thnk
4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: That's the point
4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: Yes as soon as he gets matured
4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: Ahhhh
4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: Things change
4/15/16, 11:42 PM - Jesse: :)
4/15/16, 11:43 PM - Kishore: Yep yep
4/15/16, 11:44 PM - Kishore: D day wen i became lyk u i wil make wonders wit grace of god .. In a pure way
4/15/16, 11:45 PM - Jesse: You are not like others
4/15/16, 11:45 PM - Jesse: You are good at heart
4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: One small advice though
4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: Don't try to prove the world anything
4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: You are what you are !!
4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: :)
4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: Don't ask me to explain
4/15/16, 11:46 PM - Jesse: You will understand it :)
4/15/16, 11:47 PM - Kishore: Hmmm i had gne thru wrng ways also
4/15/16, 11:48 PM - Jesse: Not like me
4/15/16, 11:48 PM - Jesse: I had gone through many wrong ways :)
4/15/16, 11:49 PM - Kishore: 4 me meaning of ma lyf is jst 2 make people smile even if am sad .. 2 help .. 2 jst do thngs of justice dats it , whle gng thru dat , wrong path cmes whr i had 2 step
4/15/16, 11:50 PM - Kishore: Hmm 2 b frank mre dan dat
4/15/16, 11:50 PM - Kishore: Hmm
4/15/16, 11:51 PM - Jesse: Hmmm
4/15/16, 11:51 PM - Jesse: I don't undestnd the full
4/15/16, 11:52 PM - Jesse: :)
4/15/16, 11:52 PM - Jesse: Good nite
4/15/16, 11:52 PM - Jesse: Kishore
4/15/16, 11:52 PM - Jesse: Sleeping
4/15/16, 11:53 PM - Kishore: Its d dificult 2 understand d world wich u had nt seen ..
4/15/16, 11:56 PM - Kishore: Gud nyt jesse God bless u .. 
B d daughter of  Lord .. !!tc bye
Hope you are blessed and trust me – it is worth to seek God’s power to live a pure life unto Him.

Friday, April 1, 2016

The School days

In one instance, i had taken Papa’s very good and sharp scissors to school for a project. And as it could be expected, someone had stolen it from my bag or while it had been left abandoned on the table. While I was getting back home that day, I remember feeling ‘dead like a lizard’, not knowing what to reply to Papa. I tried begging Mercy to take the blame upon herself as she was Papa’s pet and could escape without getting scolded. She was a perfect daughter, who everything in the best way possible without causing any trouble to others. Yet she refused my plea. Who would risk doing that when there wasn’t any guarantee that it wouldn’t happen again!

And so these were my childhood days. Yet, none of these incidents prevented me from my Operation ‘Exploration’. My desires were always set upon doing things that were ‘ forbidden’ . 

My childhood revolved around School. My school was my world..!! While any school going child would prefer to stay at home and so find excuses to take leave from it, I was just the opposite. ‘Meghalaya’,my hometown, when translated means ‘the house of clouds’ . It would have rainy weather more for than half a year. Hailstorms were also quite common. Besides this, there were frequent curfews and bandhs due to political reasons. Since my school was situated in the air force region, 60 % of the students could make it to school even in the most adverse conditions.

I remember many such incidents, when Mummy, seeing the weather outside, would not wake us up in the morning and allow us to sleep presuming we would stay at home. But somehow, I would wake up by 6:30 am ( which would mean only 30 minutes to go and catch the office jeep to go to the school) and Seeing my sisters happily lying on the bed I would weep loudly. It literally brought the roof to the ground. Why ? Just because I did not want to stay at home and wished to go to school as always. With a 75-25 ratio I would win the battle . Somehow with my skirt half tucked in, and Rs 5 in my fist for lunch, I would manage to catch the office jeep. This was the normal scenario at home, as ‘Jesse’ was a very serious student. I wanted to attend all the classes without missing even one, while Mercy and Ruth would prefer to stay back at home, happily sleeping under the warm cozy blankets.

Friendship was very special to me. I never chose friends based on their intelligence or smartness or even beauty. Even from my childhood days I sought friends who would be ‘good listeners'. Yes..just good listeners would do. Someone who could add a ‘hmmm’ to everything I said.  

 Isn’t it beautiful how God creates us. No two people are alike. We are all created beautifully by Him. We all possess different temperament .. different even within a family. We should never feed awkward or low about these differences. He is the perfect ‘Potter’ who knows about our future even before the best calendar could mark it down.

Then as the earth revolved around the Sun making revolutions year after year…this jesse from childhood now entered into her teenage. Until then, I was pretty innocent yet now adolescence was taking a stall over me. I wanted to be famous even more. Co-curricular activity was the sword on my right hand and academic studies the shield on the left. Adding to all of these since I was slowing entering into my adulthood, I now had  the desire to be appreciated for my looks. I had known that I wasn’t as fair as other girls ( People in North East are all fair, having really straight long hair and a slim figure) and that would unknowingly bring down my confidence. Still I strove to do my best in everything. School was everything to me. Even at home I would spend hours together thinking about ‘what had happened that day and what would happen the next day’.

Running past all the other years, let me take you to the period of my life that had seen a complete make over. This was the end of my 8th standard. As there were rumors in the school that students would be taken to a Darjeeling mountaineering trip. Bingo !! This was what my soul desired. A trip !! Too good to behold..this young mind thought of the mountaineering experience - the  colorful dresses I would be allowed to wear, the fun I would have with my friends and what not. So there I was excited to break this news at home. The school had charged around Rs 400 I believe. It was a little more for my family to provide yet I hoped I could convince my parents. So I waited for my mother to return from her school. She was a primary teacher in a private school.

Here I should make a note that the lives of my parents  too revolved around our education. They never bought any new cloths for themselves yet provided all that they could for us, their  four gems. My father could have bought a bike or a new gadget to boast about with his friends, yet family was his priority. God bless my parents. I can very well recall this conversation that my Papa had with his office manager while he withdrew some money from his PF ( provisional fund) for Victoria’s degree admission. While he applied for the withdrawal form, he was advice by the manager that he shouldn’t be his savings like this and should rather keep it for his post retirement period.’ ‘Lala careful’, was what they had advised him . Yet my  father used almost all his savings on us and never thought about his future.

So my mother had arrived from the school and before I could even announce the Big carnival news, Mercy in turn had shared the same news with both Mummy and Papa and they were willing to send her to this trip. What had happened !! My dreams were crushed into pieces .  All my plans got washed away by the flood waters. Yet, I wasn’t a loving sister nor had ever understood the meaning of sacrifice and I went and told Mummy that I too was planning to go. Without any second thought, Mummy said ‘no’ as they couldn’t afford for two people. Mercy as her nature was, immediately told my parents that she wouldn’t and that jesse could go alone. Yet, Mummy did not agree to this. If not for Mercy, then not even for  jesse. Today, I understand why Mummy had said so, yet then I did not. I was furious . I wept yet they wouldn’t listen. I went for a two and a half days dharna ( starvation process), yet they wouldn’t. The school had given a week whole break for the end term examination. My parents fearing that I wouldn’t study and that I was actually serious about my decision and so they finally relented and said..okey we shall see..!! So I had my food and began preparing  for the exams. 

Days passed by and I entered into my 9th standard. It was time to pay the trip fare and my parents said ‘no’. I felt like I was cheated. I somehow accepted it, though I was bitter within. It had taken me some days to come back to normal.
It aches my soul to realize how unloving a human can be. Human beings created in the very image of a loving God sometimes or maybe many a times forget their origin. It’s sad yet thank God that He calls us all to ‘repentance’, ‘He calls sinners to repentance’. This word ‘repentance’ sounds very bitter and ugly to those who haven’t tasted the Lord, yet this is what has saved me. It was His saving grace that picked up a hard and coarse stone like me and transformed me into a garden wherein those who come in – into my life today call me ‘blessed’. I believe that, this is how Mary must have felt when she met Elizabeth. She realized that she was an unworthy girl chosen by the most Holy God to become the mother of His Son. May we all have this same attitude within us.  
The greatest of all works, God my Father, has been doing in my life, is making this ‘I’ slowly disappear and having a horizontal dash, thereby firmly placing a cross ‘†’ in its place. Nothing has ever given me the joy – the true joy that this ‘life in Christ’ has been giving me.

So , this is how I entered my  9th standard and it was a smooth start. Then one day all of a sudden, our teacher announced about a 3-4 day Scouts and Guides camp in Guwahati. Guwahati was a nearby city located in the state of Assam. It wasn’t as far as Darjeeling yet it was definitely  miles away from Shillong. ‘COOL’, if not Darjeeling than it should be Guwahati. “ Mummy, you did not allow me to go for the Darjeeling trip, this camp I will by no means forgo .. I am going…… bye!!”. That was my confidence !! And my parents allowed me to go. It was a wonderful camp and I learnt a lot and as I had earlier mentioned this ‘jack of all trades’ displayed a real good number of talents. I received almost the maximum number of awards for the dance competition, speaking, elocution and yes, drawing too. This was what I was known in the camp ‘ jesse jaisi koi nehi’ ( it meant ‘no one is like jesse’ – this was  a famous serial programme being aired in the television those days). A mere reading of this paragraph would make people think that – ‘ wow, her student life was very wonderful’.  It is Only the girl ‘jesse’ who knows how she was feeling within. As said celebration stays for a while, I was eaten up from within. A well decorated white washed tomb. Too beautiful to behold from outside yet inside ..decaying and stinking. I couldn’t withstand anyone getting even a mark more than me, I couldn’t tolerate anyone being appreciated even if it was own close friend, had no genuine love for anyone, all my dreams were shortsighted – just momentary happiness. That was how I was…yes ‘I was’ -  Praise God… ‘Great change has come over me since I was born’ – since I was born again !!

This camp lead me further and I returned back home having been the first guide of the school who ever participated for the ‘National conference for scouts and guides’ held at Dehradun. Dehradun is a city in Uttaranchal, miles and miles away from Darjeeling and definitely from Shillong itself. What had happened in this Guwahati camp ? I was selected as the only student from my school (though we were four) one among the  25-30 students representing the whole North-East region ( 7 states), for the National Camp which was to be held a month later in Dehradun. Thus making me the first among my siblings to travel by train and that too, to a far away state in India. This was a great success for me and my fame .. yes ..i would like to quote this word ‘fame’ began to spread in the School and in other K.V Schools.

It’s really amazing, even as  I recall this incident , God was even then proving to me that His plans for my life were not just greater – ‘ it was not what I had planned or ever desired for’.  Then ‘I wanted Darjeeling – He gave me Dehradun’,  ‘then  I wanted successful life – Today He has given me Eternal Life’, ‘Then I wanted everyone to know who I was – Today He is using me ( such an unworthy person as you can see ) to make His Glorious name known’. Sometimes you wonder in God’s choices..!! By human standards I would be the last person of my family to be chosen by God. Today,….’Look what the Lord has done !!’ Hallelujah..!!
And God also selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is lowborn and insignificant and branded and treated with contempt, even the things that are nothing, that He might depose and bring to nothing the things that are, So that no mortal man should [have pretense for glorying and] boast in the presence of God. 1 Corin 1:28,29