Will not - pull the handle and close any door again nor will - push the handle and try to open a closed door....!!

This morning even as i was thinking 'how God works', i do not know why i was reminded of this
verse.....Then a flow of thought within me...why did Jesus say so..what was the meaning to it....
" how long am I to remain with you?" Isn't it right for us to want Jesus to continue to be with us...Does He want us to work independently. No...of course not!!..then why did Jesus say so?

Why?? These words were ringing in my heart....yes..yess..and suddenly i remembered why.....
As i had mentioned earlier age is definitely taking a hold upon Uncle and Aunty...may God give me the grace to do what is required..!! Now...i have told Aunty we could keep a helper 24X7 ..yet finding a faithful one and a trustworthy person is definitely difficult. Let me describe some scenes at home

Location: Jesse (inside her room), Uncle (Bed room) , Aunty...(in and out the bed room and Jesse's room and kitchen.)

Scene 1:
Aunty: Need to send this message
Uncle: Come i will tell, you should start using touch screen...be updated
Aunty: Ok
Uncle:( struggling himself)
Aunty: furious....what..!! you have been using this phone for quite sometime..
           you still are struggling..
Uncle: Give me some time...let me learn.
Aunty: I will ask Jesse....she knows it.
Uncle: Dey..!!
Aunty: Jesse..!!
Jesse: WHAT ?

Scene 2:
Aunty: Need to fill this form.
Uncle: Check online.
Aunty: Jesse will know.
Uncle: Yes..Dey!!
Aunty: Jesse..!!
Jesse: WHAT ??

Scene 3:
Aunty: When are you leaving ?
Uncle: 1st ... 29th??
Aunty: Monday..isn't it ?
Uncle : yes....
Aunty: Timings?
Uncle: Ask Jesse..she has all the details..!
Aunty: Jesse
Uncle: Dey
Jesse:  What?

Scene:4

Uncle: Dey, who was the pastor whom we met in ...
Jesse:..yes.....
Uncle: What's his name ?
Jesse: I think .................
Uncle: Spell
Jesse: .........
Uncle: Do we have his number ?
Jesse: Wait let me come..myself.

Scene 5
Aunty: This phone is useless
           We cannot even delete one thing here
            everything gets deleted!!
Jesse: What do you want ?
Aunty: I do not want to delete all the messages..just this one
Jesse: Show
Aunty: This Uncle only ...forcing me to use this phone..older phones are so easy
           this is a nuisance....we cannot even delete things
Jesse: Do not say..'we cannnot'...say..'i do not know Aunty'
Aunty: it's not possible
Jesse: Done..take
Aunty: (smiling) thank you

Scene 6
Uncle: Dey tomorrow at 7:30 am da..!!
Jesse: Tommorow is Thursday Uncle
Uncle: Just a few hours..by 10:30 you will be free
Jesse: Uncle!! GO by auto...!! I will not come.
Uncle: Dey dey dey
Jesse: stamping her feet to the ground....leaving the room..in haste......go by auto..final!!
Uncle: Within 2 minitues you will come and say ok......jesse is a good girl..we know it.
Jesse: smiling and winking ....entering into the bedroom///laughing...you are very bad!!
Uncle: Our jesse is good
Jesse: what time...tomorrow..sharp 7 :30 OK

So these are some scenes , considering the milder-intensity incidence. Then....
So this morning this was in my mind...How did Jesus prepare His disciples..There was a confusion in my mind.......God wants us to trust Him in everything..isn't it?
Then ...Does He want us to act independently? This was so confusing...!!
I've told Uncle something like this...during those quite calm evening hours.......................
Uncle, listen..i am very glad to help you..I love to..yet..i fear that you are getting very much dependent on me..Do not be so dependent please.

Does Jesus want us to be dependent on Him??
How is it supposed to be?

Here is this verse giving us a slight clue..While these words  of Jesus ..... i believe ..was said to
the disciples..." how long will I be with you?..There were many people in the crowd... (the father of the boy, the disciples and the scribes and Pharisees)..So while some words were for the Scribs ..this statement  must have been for the disciples...!!

Later in verse 22, Jesus tells them about His departure..that He would be handed to men, killed .. So most probably..Jesus must have told these words to His disciples !!

During my 12th standard, many unlikely incidents had occured in my life. All put together... my studies was in a pure mess. Actually i should say...' the grace of God was not with me'...inspite of al of this,
i was a fool to expect good percentage for my board examination, while it was very clear that i did not perform well.

So the question is

-  'Only Faith' without 'work' ? OR
-  'Faith plus work'

- Trust and obey? OR
- just trust and leave it.? Hmmmm??
Hope i have made it clear, things that i wish to deliver. No! no! no! am not telling  you to do something, when God has told you not to..that's not what i am telling to.

Probably,

This could be said in this manner....' Only when you take a step will the next door open'....'unless you lift your feet..how will things happen'?
We are not machines..we have a free will..given by God..!!

“You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.” 
― Amy Carmichael

I think Paul puts it well in 1 Corin 3:6
I planted, Apollos watered, but God  ( all the while) was making it grow and He gave the increase.

I believe this verse gives a beautiful exhortation.

Also isn't it easy to say," God will take care"Good bye..!!
and do nothing in that regard..I have done this myself and i repent this day..even while typing it down.

I am reminded of this verse here..

Esther 4:14
For if you keep silent at this times, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from elsewhere, ...And who knows but that you have come to the Kingdom for such a times as this and for this very occasion

Only when we mix acid with a base will reaction take place...without mixing, nothing will come out.
Above all..'fear of God' as the Bible says 'is the beginning of all wisdom'..so true...!!

I am little cautious these days to post matters that might pain others...in the past i have...unintensionally caused pain to a few. So..i was not sure if i should post this....so i prayed and asked my Heavenly Father...i wouldn't until You lead me...!!

So....the day went by ....at 5:30pm when we were travelling...we received a call....from a well wisher..He spoke to Uncle and then to me..
i was thinking...of all..why..now..!! why should this come now....!! not again..am not comfortable Lord...!!
Yet....i battled it....sought for grace..and did not lose my peace as other times..
Then a small soft voice..."didn't you ask for a confirmation jesse"

Oh Lord....yes i did...!! SO the call was a confirmation ....so that i post this ...!!

Dear Brothers and Sisters i repeat....

"For if you keep silent at this times, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from ELSEWHERE"

Have the fear of God and may God direct your path....the Fear of the Lord..will direct you to do that "which is righteous" RIGHTEOUS !!!
I have examined myself.......judged myself....Lord....that's all i can do..nothing more....Will not
- pull the handle and close any door again nor will
- push the handle and try to open a closed door....!!

I trust God.....He will do what is the best for me...What is HIS best me..!!


As i have already mentioned once....
family,friends,relationship, aimbition, desires.....nothing has ever stood that 'Strong' (enough) in my life to prevent me from choosing His divine will...It's God's grace.....Past speaks .... if needed future  too might be the same.

Vinny and Amreetha were the once who encouraged me to stand for the election for the 1st year Represenative post in Woman's Christian College. I still remember an advice Vinny had given me that day... " on the stage ..never speak from your emotions...!! Never jesse"

....and poor jesse...i fell for that....i spoke something emotionally....and was ruthlessly cornered by the then secretary and senate members including the lecturer in charge....!! It's hilarious when i think about it now...!! Yet, God did give me the post in spite of my failures and limitations.... .i do not not why !!

IN the darkest of days..there is always that ....ray of light ...that shines brighter than the 'temptation' to give up.....that's what has kept me thus far....
i know the rock from where i was curved out....so there is no place to be proud about what God has been doing for me....

But for HIS grace i would  have not been saved....!!

Keeping sacred things sacred

Keeping sacred things sacred..any idea..what I am about to share ?

There are many relationships in this world. Father and son/daughter, mother and son/daughter, sisters, brothers, uncles, niece, nephews..and even the famous..friends… yet..Yet

In the New Covenant there is just one relationship that is emphasized a lot..that of ours with Christ ..a husband - wife relationship..a committed bride – bridegroom relationship.

No.. not a girlfriend- boyfriend relationship no …!! A committed Bride – Bridegroom relationship.

I wish to speak from my heart this day…while the whole world has a lot to say about this..they run from cinema theatres to beaches..to shopping mall or even clubs …in the search for a girl friend or a boy friend..a child of God should never. 

If you are even attracted to a guy, which is normal, you can step further only with the intention of marriage, if not..i would plainly say…and I think I am right…Brother/Sister – you are commiting a sin!! Playing around with a guy or girl is sin. Yes, you heard me right.

Es – eye – En ---------------------------- SIN

No…the world will not say you the truth. They don't know the Truth themselves. Their eyes are blinded. Probably the reason I would never accept anything (a word, a comment, a ride anything ) from a guy..that I wish to reserve for my special one including my precious time. Those who have ear to hear may listen it .!!

If I say this to the world…they would brand me as a behanji..a ' x ' generation girl..so may they!!

Have you ever thought 'the glory and beauty' that lies in the institution of marriage. I see it… No, it’s not about the holding of hands, walking down the aisle, the exchange of vows..no…!! When Jesus had to compare His church to something ..he compared her to a Bride..!! Then indeed there is a 'hidden  glory' in marriage..i value it..with all of my heart. 

I have heard people sharing something like this… "I cannot marry a man who will not allow me to wear what I want ..to do what I like to…"  When I hear such a thing... i began thinking…people haven’t understood the Covenant of Marriage at all. Under this Covenant - You are willing to sacrifice and become one with your husband..some say.. "i cannot if he does not have a house or a car…." Poor girls….!!!  Marriage is to them another job or something..Oh to me marriage is glorious.

Marriage doesn’t solve the matters of live…probably many new ones would arise ;) I know…it. i once read this..if you are an unhappy person…marriage will not suddenly make you a happier person…no no no..!! You will remain the same….!! Please do not misunderstand it…yet..if God,  even before sin came into the earth….had planned marriage as a part of a girl and boy’s life..we need to value it..much more than..education, job, career, pleasure..or anything.

Yes…wait a minute, compatibility is important in marriage…minimum atleast. Knowing at least one common language to converse is very important….yet giving silly reasons..is not the right thing to do.

I am a veg..an eggitarian actually..and i know it for sure, it will be difficult to make my demands after marriage as I do make to my Aunt..naa..am not choosy…just that non veg is to me as bitter gourd is to others…simple as that J I do not despise it like a Brahmin person..not so..!!

So if I have to attempt to start eating non-veg after marriage….i will ..maybe ;) atleast wil try to .. or atleast samalify isn’t it ?

And ..before I close….i would like to encourage girls…to have a boundary around themselves. And not allow anyone to trample over it. Look, I am in a ministry and so I hardly ever get to meet people who do not know how to talk. Yet, for you dear girls!!…right into the world…you might not have the protection that I have. i came to know about this while discussing with Ruth, my younger sister. The cooperative world..the parties…the picnics…social get- togethers…etc etc. Girls!! i would be really proud of you if you are able to keep up your dignity with the fear and reverence for God…not by your own strength....yes..by His grace alone. No, i am not telling that be legalistic...do not speak to guys or so..no...yet know your boundaries..!!! 

As many of you must be knowing that God saved me when I was 16..a few days after my 16^th birthday and life did change for me….the consciousness of sin increased and became evident. Prior to that sin wasn’t sin to me.

Many of my friends do not know the now ‘jesse’ - the new jesse….all they know is the old jesse. They probably perceive I would respond and react in the like manner as other girls of this generation do. 

You need to be bold enough to guard your speech and let the scared words be sacred even if it hurts others. ..do it with the fear of God…in a loving way.

Raj: Oye tumhara boyfriend kya kaha chennai me hai ?

                          ( Where is your boyfriend in Chennai? )

Jesse: Kaun??
Jesse: Boyfriend !?
Raj  : Ha
Jesse: Chennai mei
Jesse: Kab that?? ( When did i have ??)
Jesse: Tha
Raj  : To kaha hai ( Then where is he ?)
Jesse: Samajhi
Jesse: Nehi ( I did not get you )
Raj  : Boyfriend kaha rehta hai 
                            ( Where does your boy friend live ?)
Jesse: Arey
Jesse: Kaun ?? ( Who??)
Raj  : Kuch nhi ( Nothing )
Raj  : Koi nahi( Nothing)

  Raj: Bf

  Raj: ?

  Raj: Kya baay

  Raj: Baat

Jesse: Break fast

......................................

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Jesse: No no

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Raj: Just kidding

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Jesse: I am committed

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Raj: So wat

........................................

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Jesse: Not right !!

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Jesse: Preserve your words

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Raj: It's ok

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Raj:

2/3/2016, 10:16 PM - Raj: Actually breakfast

2/3/2016, 10:17 PM - Jesse: For The Girl you get

2/3/2016, 10:17 PM - Jesse: Don't waste it and make it common

Keeping sacred things sacred!!

I do not know about him yet i do not want it for myself....!! Girls..i know you face much more than this...this is nothing compared to what you have to deal with daily. Be strong.. honour God and He will guard you in a wonderful and beautiful way..keeping every man thinking ..'she is different'..not for their sake...for God's sake..!!

{ Don’t check in my followers list who is this person..as this is a fictitious name..as suggested

by a friend of mine to make readability easier..rather than having a -   'x or y'…I have to respect people

Isn’t it..!!

Also, what about your talks with married people. Boinu, my eldest sister shared this one night in

Shillong. While chatting with a friend of hers..who was now married to a girl, she noticed he began commenting upon things that were not acceptable, he was crossing his boundary….She interrupted…Bravo Boinu !! I respect her….a lot.

She rebuked him and told him that he was married and shouldn’t speak like that and also..it is better we stopped communicating…he agreed and discontinued the chat. Immidiately after 5 mintures…Boinu recalls….she finds him uploading the pic of his wife in fb with a comment

‘my dear beautiful wife’

Listening to this.. Ruth and I shouted..'what a hypocrite'!!

Pathetic and horrible..!!

I do feel sad when married men do not give the due  love and respect that they should be giving to their own wives.

'

I can write much more yet I think you will not be able to withstand it ..!! ;)

Do not perceive me to be the same while speaking..may be a little ... in a one to one conversation..yet am a silent listener in a group.

Please Read this.... got it  from an article and loved it..please go through..

When God builds a relationship, purity is not scorned; it is highly regarded. Parents and

siblings are not ostracized; they are honored. Romance is not rushed; it is carefully

cultivated. And sacred words aren’t casually expressed; they are saved for sacred moments.

There is no question that God’s way is not the easy way. But it is far more beautiful and

infinitely more fulfilling than any shallow, pleasure-seeking, self-built relationship ever could be.

God’s way of building a relationship is perfect. Though following His way does not provide instant

gratification or satisfy our selfish wants, the beauty of His amazing pattern is truly beyond compare.

Only those who have fully surrendered to Him can truly comprehend this reality.

Maybe you are struggling with loneliness and longing for marriage. Maybe you’ve made mistakes

in relationships and aren’t sure where to go from here. Maybe you simply want a fresh reminder

of God’s beautiful pattern. I encourage you to watch this film and be inspired with a vision

for what is possible when you leave the pen in God’s hands, allow Him to redeem this area of

your life, and let Him write your love story.

Remember that choosing God’s way always leads to victory and joy, even if the outcome is different from what we always hoped for. If you are struggling with disappointment, disillusionment, or impatience in this or any other area of your life, ask God to replace your desires with His desires.

Only when we delight in Him can our desires become purified and fulfilled by the One who created us and cares more about us than we could ever imagine.

Truly, He is faithful

Only when we are willing to place purity above social pressure will we be able to inspire the men

around us toward a higher standard of honor.

This doesn’t mean you should nag, criticize, or belittle guys who don’t share your standards.

Instead, guard your feminine honor by interacting with guys in an honorable way that points them

to Christ and His standards. Even if you never open your mouth to speak, let them see by your

example that your purity is sacred, and not to be tampered with.

A woman who guards purity may be mocked by the men of this world, but she will win the respect

of a man who truly has God’s heart.

Leslie Ludy

Waiting to get back home..really !!

So being the last day of my stay for this trip, am now getting back to Chennai. I personally feel January to be passing by so slowly. Even Aunty, while speaking to her yesterday said.. 'pah feels like its been a year since you both have left'. Actually even i felt so. You know what, this trip has been little different ...... This time i got to stay with Ruth for 2 and a half days..wow enjoyed.

I did speak in a few churches personally without Uncle. As usual Uncle kept pushing me...and had a wonderful time especially with the youth. These were wonderful thirsty and humble people. God bless them. People kept asking me 'how do you know such fine Hindi being a Tamilian and i answered them..'ask me ..why are you so poor in Tamil being a Tamilian".

" Eppadi unga Hindi yevlo nalla iruke ? Naan sonne....idha kelange...yen unga Tamil yevlo kevlama iruka. "

So climax of my trip ..it's good to count your blessings..!!

1. My visit to see Ruth, it was a desire and a prayer made years ago. Yes, i did meet her last December in Shillong yet staying with her at her place was different.
We had nanny talks. She took me out to the mall. We chatted for hours during the day. She asked me a question, jesse if you are to choose between -
- A loving man and not understanding at all or
- An understanding man and not loving at all ..whom would you choose ? for your partner..
i couldn't choose...she then gave me a live example and then i gave her my answer. She also asked me to choose between
"character, understanding, loving, good looking, settled, bad habits etc....what would my priority be." I was like..ahhhhh wait ..why are you asking me this ? She was like..'jesse .. you would never think about any of these, we know you well....so i need to prepare you'
Truly a nanny... ;) i did give my answer :) We literally had a very good time..!! God bless her.

2. Shhhhh...this will take a little more time. Probably you will not believe it. Yes.... you will not believe it. Those who do read my blogs know that i have quoted two dreams about meeting Bro. Zac Poonen. There were others also. And always in those dreams i would see another brother. Today those dreams are getting fulfilled slowly...Through a very good Brother, a very caring Brother who doesn't know me at all ... And he turned out to be an angel in disguise. As many are very caring people and do offer me help for my future matlab ( you got it right ) This Brother too wanted to help me....probably my posts must have indicated it...as i did not mention anything about this matter to him and he lead me to Bro. Zac and Bro. Zac to Sis Annie. Those who know me well would be able to imagine the heights of my excitement. Yet...wait a minute....God in His mercy, has been working out something in me..and i have become a little sober minded person these days and definitely for good..!!
I am able to see it beautifully how God is working out things.

3. Now the third one, Something has  ignited a spark in Uncle...... Today, he kept speaking about my marriage. He never does that. He was like we will call this Bishop ( a very humble man ...please do not get carried away by the designations) , this Pastor and this Pastor. We will save this for you etc etc..i was amazed within, yet carried out a very normal look outside. BTW, at home we do not have many utensils in case we have guests coming in. Uncle and Aunty are not interested in that. Yet, do not know why..have been buying a lot of things since last year. Just in case. ;) Also, when i was in Shillong, there was a very good shopping complex. I really liked a set of plates. I got 4 to take back to Chennai. Everyone asked me ... 'there are just 3 at home right - Uncle, Aunty and you ? Why FOUR plates... i just smiled !!! :)

4. Yes, and this was reallly good. Uncle's hair had grown long and he asked me to cut it around his ears today. Oh..i enjoyed it.
He too was surprised..how much i was ..into it. I was jumping with joy...!! I do need to soon start my exercise and walking.  Have gained at least 3-4 kilograms without doubt.

So, getting back to Chennai, HOME sweet HOME..!!

When God gives you something that you never even dream to ask Him...............

God’s ways are different indeed !! He knows how to surprise you  - ‘Oh little child of God ;)’

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8,9

So any idea what am I about to write in this post. Probably this is something I hardly ever expected to come so soon. Of course, I longed for it so much yet, I never knew that it would happen this way. It’s still as if am dreaming about it. Thank You Father.

For those who do not know CFC check out this link and please go through the articles, books and messages…. http://www.cfcindia.com/books

In case you are unable to understand anything said or written in that site please feel free to text me … my cell no is ………. ;) ( I believe you have it )

So, let me give this post a little descriptive look. Thus, I could narrate it well.

31^st Jan 2015, my church had an all night service and I had just arrived from Vellore in the morning ..so I got ready for the service at night. I was supposed to go a bit early coz during the 31^st night service many would come to the church and it so happens that we do not get a proper seat. So I packed my dinner and left for the church at 6:30 pm. We had a blessed service and yes, my Father did speak to me. By 4 am the service got over and I was back home.

I slept from 4am to 7:30 am, and began planning the rest of the day. It was a New year day, and I had requested something …a favor from Uncle, it’s the grace of God how things had turned out due to something Aunty had spoken to us the previous week. God helped me to grab the opportunity ….

So, as I am a person who plan things ahead, I had already acquired the venue and timing of the CFC meeting for the 1^st of Jan. I was not very sure if things would turn out well. Also, I kept beating my excitement antennae each time it tried dreaming about my first step into CFC. I willfully kept a sober thought about this thing. So, Aunty was supposed to come with me. We got delayed and somehow managed to get an auto to that place. We were advised to get our vehicle by that Brother as there was lots of parking place, yet ‘ jesse and driving with Aunty ?’ …… would Aunty allow that ?

We had a pretty long journey. We entered into the street. I was given two landmarks. Yes, the church was pretty far away…..deep inside…..at two or three instance we weren’t sure if we were heading to the right place. We thought of calling the Brother who had guided me, yet we were late now, and it would not have been appropriate to call him.  So we somehow managed to get there and ………….

Henceforth … I was as if it was all a dream. I am not exaggerating …!! It was great. I could listen to a song being sung..i immediately jumped out of the auto and peeped into the meeting place.

“Oh..no it was packed …!! I wouldn’t get a place to sit !!” Yet I was determined…!! Does jesse give up so easily…. ;)

So, I entered in bypassing a few believers. There was a Brother who was busy repairing an electrical switch. “Excuse me brother, we have come here for the first time. Could you arrange for us a seat please?’ Aunty had entered in by then. When Aunty saw this Brother…they recognized each other…he was the husband of Aunty’s colleague. So, great…..seat with recommendation… ;) just kidding…he would have done it even if he did not know us. So he directed us to a Sister. She lead us inside and prepared  a place on the mat to sit..i was fine yet Aunty would not be able to sit on the floor  so I requested a seat for Aunty. And there….’ Wow again’ another friend…Aunty met with another Sister who was her Sunday school student in CSI. I quietly stood as it was the ‘praise and thanksgiving’ time.

I would like to go more in detail yet I think I should make it more precise. I was still in my dream world…I did not expect to see any known face…I actually did not even desire it either…all I wanted was to ‘ attend my first CFC meeting’. It was a long praise and worship. I was surprised that many common songs were sung. After returning home, I even shared this thing with Uncle. Then we all sat. And a Brother shared the Word. Atleast 3-4 times this thought came appearing in my mind..”what if this was not CFC?” As we did not ask anyone in specific. I looked around. There was a familiar poster on the pulpit. The Brother who was sharing seemed to have a familiar face yet I wasn’t sure. Then all of a sudden, I noticed that he had made a quote on ‘Tozer’ ……. ahhhhh now I was sure this was CFC. Later he quoted Bro.Zac too. I was blessed. Yet I was still numb … kind of a strange feeling… cannot explain by mere words….probably no one can imagine….how God was fulfilling a dream and a desire so dear to me that I had never even dared to pray about it. That’s why I began this post with this
            God’s ways are different indeed !! He knows how to surprise you little child of God ;)

At this moment, even as I am typing this post…I am controlling my emotions from flooding out. “Father….i simply cannot express my thankfulness to what You just gave me today.”

So…where was i….? yes, the message..!!! When the Brother completed his message..he asked us to stand..and poor jesse…having sat on the floor for a long time, without shifting the leg position, my legs had grown numb. I would have changed my leg position yet I was little cautious…come on,  it was for the first time I was there. A kutti boy just in front of me kept staring at me…as I was opening my English Bible…he was all the while drawing something in his book. Now, how could I change my position and so I just sat in that position the whole time. And when I stood…I almost lost my balance. I held on to a sister next to me..and whispered slowly….’ Maa… kaal marithpoyithchi’ did you understand what I just typed…? Don’t worry even those who know Tamil wouldn’t have… ;) ‘ my legs have become numb…sister’…!! You know what happened next, this sweet little sister..bent down and massaged my feet. I resisted ..yet she continued ..i thanked her. Then …we sat..and I just knew what that Brother would announce next. Yessssssssssssssssssss

“Those who have come for the first time..could you stand plizzz”….i looked at Aunty…she nodded and I stood. The sister who just helped me with my extreme leg numbness also stood..even Aunty was standing by then…..everyone turned back and looked …I felt little nervous…yet, i looked straight to the Brother. So the service got over.

Aunty was busy chatting with her friends and I signaled Aunty that we need to meet the Brother whom I had called the other day. We just came to know that he was the same person who had given the Word of God. So we went to him. He came smiling, he recognized me..and asked me why I did not call him for the direction. I told him that we had thought it would disturb him. He told me that he had kept the phone in general mode just for me and expected me to call..later he had given the phone to his son telling him a sister would call. Anyways, we spoke a little…Aunty’s Sunday school student also spoke a few words to him about Aunty and I asked him to pray for us. He introduced us to another sister and insisted on having lunch. So, we met Aunty’s collegue and we explained we couldn’t wait. We were offered a vehicle to be dropped to the station as it would be impossible to catch an auto as the main road was far far away.

 Meanwhile .......come on…this is CFC, I should know a few faces. So, I recognized a Girl who just passed me…then another Sister who was sitting on the mat. At a distance there was another Sister…I knew her very well…!! I was still numb…!! I went and introduced myself ..she was shocked that I had known her name…we spoke a few words and I  left. I felt like I was at home….actually it was still like a dream..!!

Meanwhile my dear Aunty was busy doing her favourite discussion…yes yes…you guessed it right..!! She was speaking to her collogue about me and we were lead to her husband…who usually helped many in this matter. He inquired about me…and Aunty spoke on my behalf. Aunty’s colleague had asked her son to drop us to the station…( a very hilarious journey…) and after exchanging numbers …. we got into the car and headed home.

You know what? It’s not me..!!It’s really not me..!! Am I behaving like the normal jesse ? Usually I would be floating into the C9  experience after anything of this kind would happen in my life…….yet I feel so starnge…like a dream..trully…!!

Thank You Father..for everything..You just gave me something that I did not even dare to ask You…!!

             You are so good to me…!! Trust God my dear friends....He is soo good !! 

So almost to the end of this year.....!!

So almost to the end of this year and probably this could be my last post...!!

It is good to look back and see all the marvelous things God had done for us this year....!!
Now what about the things you hoped for ? The things that remained unfulfilled !! Do you get angry at God or some person? What about when people much resembling to the friends of Job come and test you saying .. " God doesn't love you, that's why ....!!" or ' you had mistaken the voice of God..!'
Doesn't it hurt when something like this is said...and you have no answer to give?
 
Once a Pastor from our church had a major accident. The driver had run the car over the median and the window glass cracked and injured the Pastor who was sitting there..He had some injuries on his face and knees..etc..He was bed ridden..a hip dislocation also if i am not wrong. We had gone to see him and he asked Uncle..what do you think about this Pastor Ayya? Some say this accident was to test me, some say to prune me, some say it was the work of the devil and still some say that i had committed a sin !!

I personally write blogs not that people should read it..it's my soul speaking to me. It's my Soul's ECG. So,...let me tell you what i could share about what i feel...my perspective ....

Yes, even when i look back to this year. It was a significant year in many ways. God taught me many things..Yes, even i had hoped for some things which did not take place. Part of the certainty has gone away and so are some C9 experiences. Same with you isn't it ? :) God is not partial towards anyone..
Now do you want to remain hooked up by these things.... !! NOOO... move on.. It's a brighter morning today...!! Remember one thing in life...

 ' I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]' John 16:33
The promise is...'in Jesus our peace...not in the world'..!! I personally need to run to this verse almost 4-5 times in a week. Trust me... Hope is what sustains me. My hope in Jesus...!! The world will one day fade away and all the other things ..yet His word will remain forever !!

You know what...while many people suffered a lot during these floods...as a family we did not loose anything .... So should i bounce and shout .. "Hallelujah ... God loves me so much that He kept away the affects of the flood from me" ?

RUBBISH !! I have to use this coarse word here...!! We are blind...!! If this was true..thousands of people - didn't God love them ? Of course He did....those who lost their lives ....it was because they were sinners is it ? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !! Keep away such thoughts  from your mind....!!
" I don't become a Saint if only good things happen to me and no one becomes a sinner if bad things happen to them. BTW..who is the judge here ... to see if a thing is "good or bad"... !! Remember our sight is limited and we are mortal beings.

Recently was going through a p interest link  and read this inspirational quote and yes ..it was very effective

" DO NOT JUDGE , You DON'T KNOW WHAT STORM I HAVE ASKED HER TO WALK THROUGH - GOD"

So.... this is how i love to express my thoughts ..!!
I deeply respect every child of God because "as i am so are they to God". I am no superior...!!
Finally this link sums it up ( *** while you read the lyrics ..please note it's He and Him not he /him )
 https://youtu.be/cbci49bGwcc

Hoping for a new grace the coming year :)
Thank you...
God bless you !!

Yes...i am SINGLE.......yet.......................................!!

I am speaking from my heart here…not intended to anyone in specific…!!

I wish every ‘Status’ column had this category included in…

“SINGLE yet unavailable !!!”

Got the point ? No…!! Let me explain….!!

As soon as one states that they are single…the immediate reaction is that she/he is available !! That’s how people think and even behave accordingly today..!

Relationship..!! hmmm….yes, I have something to share here…!!

My strong convictions!!!

-      

-  - Relationship without Commitment is a ship without a Rudder..!!

     Can you believe ….a person of another faith, stated this to me when we had a discussion once…..!

- - good choice is not equal to God’s Choice ……!!

                                “Oh jesse, he is soo good !”

                                 So ?? Is he God’s choice ? Come on….!!

- - I am not seeking after true love only !!

                  A person might claim he truly loves me….. that’s deceptive…………..!! Love grows…!! When Isaac saw Rebekah for the first time….he loved her….He knew that she was the one and their love grew from there…….!!

I have witnessed numerous happy and really blessed marriages that were ‘arranged’ …!!!  No, by this I do not mean am against love marriages….! God has both ways..!

-  

  - He is soooo gifted !!

Oh..in that case I might probably go to a stationary shop and get one for myself. I don’t want to marry a Christmas tree ;)

  - And yes…a very BIG yes….. i strongly forbid anyone calling me by ‘pet names’ that is reserved only for my One…!!

Yes…  have politely told people to restrain from giving me any pronouns like dear, etc etc … cause I personally wouldn’t  accept it from any guy!!  ( this is my personal conviction….you can have yours…)

 

-        And the list goes on…………………..!!!

Thanks to a couple of good..really generous friends of mine who have added me into various groups …. Naaa…. That wasn’t intentional…..hope so…!!!

I have been asked a lot of questions…on this topic…!!! Probably this reply …. keeps everyone away ;)

                            “Am single yet unavailable”